A Heart Full of Love
by EverAfter90
Summary: Narcissa didn't think she knew how to love. The most unlikely people showed her how.
1. Part One: Time Will Reveal

**Thursday, November 28, 1971  
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**Hogwarts - Slytherin House; 5th years girl's dormitory  
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All her life, she had wanted to do one thing. Dance. It was her freedom, her passion, her glory. When she was spinning and twirling on any hard flat surface she could find, she felt her soul rise.

Narcissa or Cissy looked out the window of her room and watched the rain fall onto the windowpane. She heard it on top of the ceiling; its sound luring her into another world.

She closed her eyes.

She was no longer in her room at Hogwarts, no longer a fifth year who was teased by her classmates, no longer the girl who had everyone around her make all her decisions.

She was in a garden surrounded by flowers all different types and colors. She could see the Narcissus flower she had been named after, small and white. Right in the middle was a silver water fountain that had a graceful waterfall.

Her normal plain brown hair that always hung around her small shoulders was pulled up in an elegant bun and decorated with tiny rosebuds. The customary black Hogwarts uniform was replaced with a sleeveless silk mauve dress that swished around her bare feet.

For once she felt beautiful.

Narcissa spun around the garden. First on one foot and then the other. She didn't need music; it was in her head. It was the wind that blew through the flowers, in the soft gurgling of the falling water.

She held out her hand and waved it gracefully through the air. Perfect and smooth were its movements. Just like she had been taught since she was three years old. She tilted her head back and smiled. She could feel the sun shining down on her, like the stage spotlight she had grown up in, only this light was the one she longed for. Always there, always beautiful.

_Spin, twirl, jump, and land perfectly. Do it again, and again, and again._

_Forget the world, forget everyone, forget pain, anger, loneliness. _

_Find happiness, contentment, answers, healing…maybe love…_

Suddenly thunder broke through her dream. Narcissa's eyes flew open. Her sunlit garden was gone. She was back in her dark room. She couldn't hear the wind or water, but the screaming of the younger students down in the common room.

Cissy looked out her window and saw the rain falling harder and the lightning steak across the sky. No longer a free dancer, but simply a student.

Narcissa Diana Black. Cold, haughty, distant; at least that was how people saw her. No emotions or feelings at all.

"_She's definitely someone who follows her name. Doesn't care about anyone and only thinks about herself. No wonder people don't like her."_

That wasn't true. Narcissa didn't even love herself.

In her entire life, she had never ever told anyone that she loved them. Not her mother, or her father, or even her oldest sister.

She honestly believed that Father had never loved her. She was just 'another daughter.' Another disappointment, the son that would never be. He ignored her and wanted nothing to do with her. He never came to any of her dance recitals. She would be up there on stage looking out in the bright lights, searching for her family. All she would see was her impatient mother, rolling her eyes and waiting desperately for it to end.

Mother had no time for her as well. She simply put Narcissa in dance, because it was the only thing she was good at, but never once did she offer a compliment or a word of praise. Her mother's cold and reserved attitude toward her youngest daughter had hardened Narcissa's heart. Mother only seemed to care about the oldest sister, Bellatrix.

Bellatrix, who was nineteen, was wild and out of control. She had already graduated from Hogwarts, although people wondered how she had been allowed to stay. She had been terrible toward the muggle-born children, publicly hexing them and using them as 'experiments for Dark Magic.' It got so bad, that parents were beginning to pull their children out of school and Hogwarts with its many, many, years of fine and glorious history was getting a bad name. Only on the grounds of expulsion did she finally shape up.

Mother and father were so proud of their 'pureblood minded' daughter and Bellatrix basked in the glory of favoritism. Narcissa was almost ashamed to be related to her and was thankful that Black was a common enough surname that people wouldn't think firsthand that they were sisters.

Then there was Andromeda, who was as different from Bellatrix as two sisters could get. Anni had never minded muggles and thought they were fascinating. Mother and father were appalled and hoped it would only be a stage in her life, but it wasn't. Unlike Bella, Anni was a model student, prefect, and now Head Girl. She had gotten an Outstanding on all her O.W.L.s unlike Bella who all but failed hers.

Although Narcissa cared about Andromeda very much, Anni, with her radical beliefs, distanced herself from the family and therefore from her younger sister. She had been the only person though that had shown any sign of affection to Narcissa, but it was rare.

She sat down on her bed. All her roommates had pictures of their families taped over their beds. There were no family pictures above her bed, only magazine clippings and articles on her favorite ballerina's.

Loretta Daselle who was considered the most graceful dancers of her generation.

Katarina Morlingwell who had won numerous awards for her speed and perfect precision.

Denice Rezinner who traveled all over the world teaching and training up and coming dancers.

Narcissa watched them dance in their small cut outs. She would study their every move knowing that one day she would be in a magazine clipping that was taped over another girl's bed.

There was a knock on the door and Charlotte Bryers, the Slytherin prefect, came in.

"It's time for supper," she said in her typical dead pan voice.

"Thank you," was all Narcissa said.

Charlotte closed the door and Narcissa got up and pulled on her long black robes and went downstairs. The Slytherin common room was empty. It felt so cold and lonely.

_Empty_

_Cold_

_Lonely_

That was how she always felt.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Friday, November 29, 1971<span>  
><strong>

**The courtyard  
><strong>

The next morning, Narcissa was walking through the snow on her way to class when she saw Margaret Hollingdale and Lucius Malfoy kissing against one of the stone statues. She thought she was going to throw up. Narcissa hated all forms of public displays of affection and public kissing was on top of the list. So why was she watching?

She turned around to leave and take another direction to class when she heard laughing. She looked behind her and saw Margaret laughing and Lucius trying not to.

"What?" Narcissa snapped.

"Are you heading to the hospital wing?" said Charlotte in her high little girl voice.

_Just turn around and walk away._

"Why would I?" Narcissa said

"Leave her alone," said Lucius, "It's not her fault she doesn't know about," and he leaned down and whispered something to Margaret that caused them both to laugh.

Narcissa felt her eyes beginning to fill with tears as and her face and whole body burn with anger as she saw Lucius Malfoy humiliating her. She turned and ran away from them as fast as she could.

"Awww, poor Cissy," she heard Margaret say.

Narcissa ran into the school hallway and sat down on one of the benches. Her class didn't start for another five minutes so she had some time to get herself back together. She wiped away her tears and tried to calm her breathing when she realized someone was next to her. She looked over and saw a pretty first year girl with long red hair. On her black robe was the Gryffindor badge.

"Are you alright?" she asked in a soft voice.

Narcissa nodded. She now knew who it was; Lily Evens, a muggle-born from London. She was a smart girl who was also incredibly kind to everyone, and not just in her own house, but the whole school. Her best friend was shy Severus Snape, who was in Slytherin. Narcissa always liked seeing the two of them together reading a book or discussing their latest school project.

"I'm fine," Narcissa said, "Thank you, though."

"Ok, Lily said. She looked like she was about to walk away when she turned and said, "I sometimes see you dancing in the empty classrooms. You're very lovely and graceful. Are you going to become a professional dancer?"

Narcissa was surprised. No one ever asked her about her dancing.

"I hope so," she said, "Do you dance?" That was probably why Lily was asking.

"Oh no," she said, "I am so clumsy! I trip over everything!"

"I do too," Narcissa laughed, "when it's not planned ahead of time."

Now, Lily laughed, "I can't imagine you being clumsy! When I watch you dance you're like a…fairy spinning and twirling."

She started to spin, her red hair flying across her shoulders. She wasn't watching where she was going and ran right into Lucius Malfoy.

Her face went white as soon as she saw him. Lucius was the Slytherin prefect and he was very strict especially toward the muggle-born children.

"Aren't you suppose to be in class?" he asked coldly.

"I…I…was on my way," Lily said shyly as she picked up her book bag.

"She was just talking to me, that's all," said Narcissa.

Seeing little Lily Evens with her vivid red hair and doll like complexion next to tall scowling Lucius Malfoy with his white blonde hair and pale sculpted features was a scary scene.

"I didn't do anything wrong," Lily said in a choked voice and she turn and ran down the hall.

"You had no right to be so cold to her," Narcissa said.

"I asked her a simple question!" he argued.

"You frighten the children, and they don't respond well to people they don't trust."

"Do you trust me?" asked Lucius

"What?"

"Do you trust me?" he asked again, coming closer to her.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Narcissa said, nervous at how close he was getting. He was almost a foot taller than her and his blue eyes seemed to penetrate her whole being.

"You said that I…frighten the children. Do I frighten you?" He backed her up against the wall and braced his arm against it

"I'm not a child," Narcissa said firmly, although she was practically trembling.

"Prove it," said Lucius "kiss me."

Narcissa felt her mind begin to spin. Lucius was leaning closer into her. Her heart began to pound as he placed his hand firmly on her waist.

"Kiss me," he said again, "Prove that you're not a little girl."

She had never been kissed before. She had always wanted to know what it was like, but now she wasn't so sure. Lucius gently stroked her dark hair and leaned his face closer and closer.

"You know you want to kiss me," he whispered, placing a soft chaste kiss on her cheek.

"No, don't," she said, pushing him out of her way. She grabbed her bag and ran down the hall as fast as she could.

Lucius Malfoy stood there alone in the empty hallway with his usual smug expression. This was going to be the story of the weekend.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, November 30, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The Great Hall - breakfast  
><strong>

"Are you serious?"

"He really tried to kiss her?"

"That's what I've heard and she ran off!

"She's crazy!"

"I would give anything to have Lucius Malfoy kiss me!"

Saturday morning in the Great Hall was buzzing with the most recent news to come from the Slytherin house. Supposedly, Lucius Malfoy tried to kiss Narcissa Black yesterday afternoon and she ran away!

"Who would want to kiss him anyway?" asked Alice Grayson at the Gryffindor table.

"I know," said Lily pouring milk on her cereal, "He's scary."

"I'm glad she ran," said Sirius Black who was Narcissa's eleven year old cousin.

"Why?" asked his friend James Potter as he handed him a piece of toast.

"Well, she might be my cousin and we may not like each other most of the time, but I still feel…kind of protective of her. Lily's right though. Lucius is scary."

"I'll ask Severus if it really is true," Lily said.

"Why?" asked James with his mouth full of toast, "He might end up kissing you."

"Gross, I just lost my appetite," said Sirius as Lily threw her notebook at James' head and narrowly missed.

At that moment Narcissa walked into the Great Hall. She had not gotten a lot of sleep and wanted to get some breakfast before she went to Hogsmeade. While she walked to her table she noticed the way people looked at her and some of them whispering and laughing.

What was going on?

She found an empty spot at the Slytherin table and poured a goblet of pumpkin juice. She tried to ignore the loud whispering, but it was hard when she heard her name and Lucius being whispered around everywhere.

The young first years at the Gryffindor table stopped their chattering and looked over at her. It was obvious she was beginning to understand what people were whispering about.

"People can be so cruel," Remus Lupin said, "It's none of their business what happens."

"Yeah, I mean who cares if some guy kisses you or not?" said James.

"It's kind of a big deal to a girl," Alice explained.

"Yeah, something you wouldn't know about," put in Lily.

"But, Snivellus would know…" Sirius said. James laughed and Remus rolled his eyes.

This time Lily didn't retaliate. She put her bowl on her plate and got up from the table and walked over to where Narcissa was sitting.

"Hello again," Narcissa said looking up from her book, "How are you?"

"I'm good," said Lily, "About yesterday, thank you for getting me out of trouble with Lucius or at least I thought I was in trouble."

"You weren't," said Narcissa smiling for the first time that morning, "and you're welcome."

"Hi, Lily," came a shy voice.

Both girls looked over and saw a painfully thin boy with stringy black hair and deep black eyes. His robes were old and he was carrying a large stack of books.

"Hello Severus," said Lily brightening up, "do you still want to go to the library today?"

"Yes!" Severus said in a rare excited voice, almost dropping his books.

"Ok," Lily said, "I'll get my bag. Bye Narcissa."

"Goodbye," Narcissa said as she watched the Slytherin boy and Gryffindor girl talk and laugh together. She felt slightly happier and opened her book up and began reading again.

"So, is it true?" came an annoying voice across from her, "Lucius tried to kiss you and you actually ran away?"

Narcissa looked up and saw Margaret and her little gang of girls all giggling and smirking. Even the boys at the Slytherin table were laughing.

"If kissing scares you that much, I wonder what bedding you would be like," one of the boys said. Immediately everyone within earshot roared with laughter.

Narcissa felt all the blood rush to her face. The laughter sounded more like an ocean roar and it rattled in her ears. Her eyes were becoming blurry and her hands were shaking. She felt like she couldn't breathe and without thinking she grabbed her book and got up and walked quickly out of the Great Hall.

_How? How did they all know?_

_Did Lucius tell them?_

_Was he really that cruel to people who didn't give in to him?_

She was almost out the doors when she ran into Lucius and his usual group of loud obnoxious friends. They all smiled evilly when they saw her pale scared face staring straight into Lucius' arrogant expression. Narcissa wanted to scream and yell at him, but nothing came out. She stared at him for a few seconds and then pushed her pass him and out the doors.

She ran out into the snow, the cold air filling her lungs and the wind beating at her face.

_I hate you Lucius Malfoy!_

_I HATE YOU!_

* * *

><p><strong><span>Wednesday, December 18, 1971<span>  
><strong>

**Christmas Holiday; House of Orion Black  
><strong>

"Come on, Cissy! It's not that big of a deal!" Bellatrix said, "Although, I have to admit, I'm surprised you haven't been kissed yet and you're going to be sixteen in a few days."

"Will you just drop it?" said Narcissa trying to keep her voice calm.

She was on Christmas holiday from Hogwarts and was glad to be away. Andromeda had decided to stay at the school, leaving her with Bellatrix and Sirius and about twenty other annoying relatives. This year the family was spending Christmas at Uncle Orion and Aunt Alberga's (Sirius' parents) city home in London.

So far she had been bored to death because she really had no other cousins her age. They were all younger than her or older than her. Sirius himself was getting bored and said he wished he had taken James Potter's offer to spend Christmas with his family.

"Just a few more weeks and we'll be back at Hogwarts," Narcissa said.

Sirius smiled at her. Their relationship had gotten better since he had come to Hogwarts. They didn't fight nearly as much and after the whole kissing incident with Lucius in November, Sirius had become rather protective of her. He had even stood up to Lucius and told him to leave her alone. Lucius only laughed and pushed him out of the way, but it made Sirius feel better knowing he had at least done something for his cousin.

"Since when do you and the dork get along?" snapped Bella, already annoyed at not being the center of attention for ten seconds.

Before Narcissa could answer, Sirius cut in and said, "Not everybody loves you as much as you do!"

Bella's black eyes hardened and she actually pulled out her ugly bent wand and was about to point it at Sirius when Narcissa pushed her hand out of the way.

"Just drop it, Bella!" she said, "Or you're going to ruin Christmas for everybody. Again."

Bellatrix put her wand back in her robes and walked off in a huff.

"Uhmm…thanks," said Sirius after she had left, "I really thought she was going to curse me. I've heard she's rather good with those Unforgivable Curses."

"Don't worry about her," Narcissa said, "and anyway, I should be thanking you."

"For what?"

"I heard that you stood up to Lucius Malfoy after what…well you know; and anyway I just wanted to say thank you."

"Oh…you're welcome," he said, blushing slightly, "He's a jerk and you might be a Black, but still deserve someone better than him."

"If there is such a thing," said Narcissa, "I don't think the word love exists in our family. My parents hate each other."

"Yeah, so do mine," Sirius said, "That's why I never want to get married. It would be a cruel thing to put any girl through that."

In spite of herself, Narcissa laughed, "I would get married to have a baby," she said.

_A sweet blue eyed baby girl who would be loved like no other baby girl had been loved._

"A baby?" said Sirius, "I never knew that. I thought you wanted to be a dancer."

"Oh I do, but I think I can do both."

Kreacher, the ugly old houself, walked into the room and mumbled that supper was ready.

"About time," said Sirius, "I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," Narcissa said.

While they were all at the table eating and talking, Sirius handed a little package to Narcissa. She looked at him with a confused expression.

"It's your birthday present," he said, "I know your birthday isn't until the 22nd, but I want to give it to you now."

Narcissa smiled and pulled the ribbon off the little box. She opened it up and inside was a little marble flower cameo on a pearl necklace."

"Oh, Sirius," she said, "It's beautiful. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said and went back to eating his mashed potatoes.

Narcissa pulled the necklace out of the box and held it delicately in her hand.

As the rest of her family at, ignoring the one small scene between her and cousin, Narcissa studied the little cameo. She realized that flowers on the front were narcissus. She turned it over and on the back in tiny words was written: _**"A heart full of love blossoms like a flower in the sun."**_

* * *

><p><strong><span>Monday, December 12, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**Hogwarts  
><strong>

School was back into full swing and Narcissa was glad to be back. She had a fairly good Christmas and her birthday had been enjoyable as well. She couldn't forget the look of jealousy on her cousin's faces when they saw the necklace that Sirius had given her.

She reached up underneath her shirt and touched it. She now wore it every single day. That one simple gift was more precious to her than anything else she had been given and her relationship with Sirius had gotten better as well.

Narcissa was on her way to lunch when she saw Lucius walking past her. She tried to avoid him, but he saw her.

"Narcissa wait," he said.

"Go away, Lucius. That's all I have to say to you."

"Wait," he said, lightly taking her wrist.

She snapped her wrist back and glared at him.

"I'm sorry about what happened in November," he said quickly.

"No you're not," Narcissa snapped, "what you did was unacceptable and I'm not going to fall for your pathetic lies like every other dopey eyed girl in this school does!"

"I didn't think it would hurt you so much."

"What?" said Narcissa incredulously, "I was humiliated! You told the entire school that I was afraid to kiss you. You the gorgeous, popular, perfect, favorite prefect. How dare someone say no to you, Lucius Malfoy! All you did was play with my feelings and hurt me very deeply. Sirius was right, I deserve better and I certainly don't need to be wasting any more of my time on you."

She was surprised when Lucius didn't say anything at all, but just turned around and walked away.

_I hope I hurt that bastard more than he hurt me._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Thursday, April 8, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The library  
><strong>

School flew by as winter melted into spring; only two more months and then summer holiday. Narcissa had studied hard and she was doing some pre-study for her upcoming O.W.L.s which she was stressing over terribly. Lucius Malfoy had completely left her alone since that morning back in January and she was glad of it. With him out of the way, she felt much more at ease with herself.

Lily Evens would often see her in the library and sometimes ask her for help on a particular subject she was having trouble on. As they were working on some transfiguration homework one afternoon, Breton Caveras, a sixth year Slytherin stopped by their table.

"Don't you ever ask for help from people in your own house?" he asked Lily.

"I fail to see how it's any of your business," she said "or are you just a stuck up pureblood that doesn't think that a muggle-born like me should even be talking to a Slytherin?"

"Hey, don't get ugly," he said defensively, "I just asked a simple question." And he walked off.

"Just ignore them," Narcissa said, "boys aren't worth the time."

"Yeah, try saying that to James Potter," said Lily, "He's always showing off around the girls and putting Severus down when I'm around. He makes me sick."

"I know how you feel. Believe me," said Narcissa.

**Later that evening in the Great Hall  
><strong>

_Choir practice tonight_

_Potions essay to turn in tomorrow_

_Ballet exercise tomorrow morning _

_Help Professor McGonagall with the first years during study hall _

Narcissa was going through her to-do list while she was eating supper. Choir practice was in half an hour and she was carefully avoiding any dairy products that could affect her voice.

"Hey."

She turned around and saw Breton.

"What do you want?" she said without even looking at him.

"I would like to know why you write off every single guy who comes near after what Lucius Malfoy did to you almost six months ago."

"I don't have time for boys right now;" said Narcissa, "and quite frankly Hogwart's boys are not on the top of my relationship list."

"Well, that's a bad attitude," said Breton, "You really don't care about anyone."

Narcissa was getting annoyed, "I don't have time for this," she said getting up and grabbing her bag.

"I think I might know why you're so angry about this whole situation and everyone else is beginning to agree," Breton said as he grabbed her arm.

"Really? And what's that?" Narcissa said, getting angrier by the second.

"I think the real issue is that you wanted to kiss Lucius and feel guilty at the fact that you didn't and ran away instead."

Now, Narcissa was enraged! How could anyone think that she had wanted to kiss him? And that she was angry out of guilt?

"You don't know anything!" she snapped at him.

She ran out of the Great Hall and started walking to the choir room. While she was walking down the long stairwell, she had been so occupied in her own thoughts that she didn't watch where she was going and ran right into someone or something.

She tripped and fell down the rest of the stone steps. When she landed at the bottom her entire body was in pain. Her feet, hands, and arms didn't seem broken, but she had hit her head several times and her ribs sent our painful waves if she made the slightest move.

Narcissa began to cry, the pain was so bad. She heard several people yelling and in her blurry vision could see people running around. Her head was throbbing badly.

"Help…help," she said, her voice was so choked with tears.

She felt someone's warm hand on her forehead.

"Is anything broken?" said a gentle male voice

"I…I…don't…know," she managed to say through her tears, "It just hurts so much."

"I'm going to take you to the hospital wing."

Whoever it was picked her up and carried her gently. Narcissa wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and held on. Her ribs were causing her so much pain and the throbbing in her head was getting worse. Soon everything went dark.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Friday, April 9, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The hospital ward  
><strong>

Narcissa slowly opened her eyes. She could see sunlight filter in through an open window. She could hear quiet voices talking. She was in the school hospital.

At first she was confused. Why was she in the hospital and not in her room?

Then memories of what had happened the night before filled her mind.

_Breton. I was angry at Breton._

_I ran out of the Great Hall._

_I was walking down the stairs and I ran into someone._

_I fell down and was brought in here._

_Who was it that brought me in here?_

_I should probably thank him._

"Well it's nice to see you're up," said Madam Pomfrey.

She placed her hand on Narcissa's forehead, "You gave us quite a scare last night," she said, "How are you feeling."

"Better," said Narcissa, "but my head still hurts and so do my ribs."

"Oh, you're going to be in here for a while," said Madam Pomfrey.

"What?"

"You broke quite a few ribs, but they should heal up in a couple of days and you just came out of a slight concussion as well."

"Madam Pomfrey, who brought me into the hospital wing?"

"Oh, you didn't know? It was Lucius Malfoy, you ran into him on the stairs. He felt absolutely terrible and refused to leave until he knew you were better."

"Lucius?" said Narcissa

"Yes, I was very surprised actually at the way he was when he was around you. Well, anyway are you hungry?"

Narcissa nodded, but her mind wasn't really on food.

**Later that afteroon  
><strong>

"I'm glad you didn't break anything," said Lily as she handed her a bouquet of daffodils.

"Thank you," said Narcissa.

"Do you hurt?" Severus asked

"Not too much. Madam Pomfrey said my ribs need some healing, that's all."

"We were all really scared about what happened," said Severus, "a lot of people thought that Lucius Malfoy might have pushed you down the stairs."

"Why would he push her down the stairs only to take her to the hospital?" asked Lily.

"Oh yeah, that's true," said Severus

"All right, visiting time is up," said Madam Pomfrey, "back to lunch."

"Bye Narcissa, I hope you get better," said Lily.

"Bye," said Severus.

Narcissa waved goodbye to the both of them. When they were gone she lay back down on her pillow. She was still thinking about Lucius. She had a quite a group of people come in to visit her all morning, including Sirius who seemed genuinely convinced that Lucius was just putting on an act.

Narcissa fingered with her cameo necklace. Sirius really disliked Lucius, almost to the point of hating him. She couldn't forget the frightened look in the young boy's eyes when he asked how bad she was hurt.

She flipped the cameo on its back and read the inscription: _"A heart full of love blossoms like a flower in the sun."_

All her life people had told her that she couldn't love. It wasn't true, not anymore. She did love. She loved the children, Sirius, Lily, and Severus, even that little cuss James Potter was worth a spoonful of affection (although it was evident that he got enough at home).

She was becoming a happier person because she was around the children so often. They made her feel important, they didn't hold back what they thought, without even realizing it they had opened her heart and filled it with love and she was able to blossom into a different person.

How wonderful it was.

Suddenly in that moment she had made her decision. She knew what she wanted to do.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, April 19, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The Lake  
><strong>

"You want to become a teacher?" said Andromeda, "What about being a dancer?"

"Anni," said Narcissa, "Ever since my accident on the stairs, I have had a lot of time to think about what I want to do. Madam Pomfrey said my ribs would heal and they have, but it's still too painful to dance. Before I would have been devastated, but now, I don't care. I want to be a teacher, the children…they make happy, and they make me want to become a better person.

Andromeda smiled, "Well, it's your decision, but don't be too hasty. Although, I have noticed how much you've changed, ever since Christmas. You and Sirius, you two use to fight all the time and now, you get along like you've been friends for years."

"I owe a lot of this decision to Sirius," she said, "After what…Lucius pulled in November, Sirius has really proven himself."

"Have you talked to Lucius since your accident?" Andromeda asked.

"Hell no," Narcissa scoffed, "Why would I?"

"I was just curious. I mean after all he was very worried about you."

"I have nothing to say to Lucius at all," Narcissa said coldly, "He didn't visit me once in the hospital. He only took me there, so he could earn prefect points."

All right," was all Andromeda said.

_There is no place for Lucius Malfoy in my life at all._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Sunday, July 14, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**Summer holiday in St. Tropez, France  
><strong>

"Really Narcissa, you should rethink this," said her mother.

"Mother, I already have," Narcissa said, "I want to teach."

"She likes spending time with little mudblood children than she does with her own kind," said Bellatrix

"Shut up, Bella!" Andromeda said.

"Wait," said her father, "Is this true?"

"Well, yes," she said, "There are a couple of children-"

"You are a pureblood!" her father raged, "And I will not see any child of mine waste their god-given talent to sit behind a desk to teach that mudbloods and purebloods should even have the right to sit together!"

"Father," said Narcissa, "It's not your decision!"

Cygrus Black raised his hand and slapped across his daughter's face.

She fell to the ground holding her swollen face and choking on her tears.

"Father!" screamed Andromeda, "How could you?"

"That'll teach her to talk to her father like that," said Cygrus, "And if anyone is to blame, it's you! You've probably been encouraging this attitude from the very beginning, haven't you?"

"No, I haven't," said Andromeda, "This decision to teach was Narcissa's, and I had no say in it."

"I've already had to put up with you and your over radical beliefs and I'll be damned if I have another child following where you're going!"

Narcissa got up off the ground and raised her eyes to her father, "I'm…sorry," she said.

"You should be," he grunted, "You never were good for much anyway."

His words hit Narcissa like an icy dagger. No matter how hard she tried, she would never win his love. Why did he hate her? What could she do?

"It's time for lunch," her mother said as if nothing had ever happened.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Tuesday, July 16, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**On the beach of St. Tropez  
><strong>

Narcissa watched as the water moved across the distance. The seagulls were squawking loudly overhead. She buried her feet deeper into the cold sand. The sun was going down sending pink and orange rays across the waves.

She had just gotten her O.W.L. results back from Hogwarts and came out with an Outstanding in all subjects. She knew she should have been happy, but any joy of her good grades was completely drained.

Narcissa hadn't talked to her father in the last two days. Actually, she hadn't talked to anyone at all. She was so angry, she just wanted to take something and break it. She fiddled with the wand in her hand. Narcissa knew full well she wasn't allowed to use magic outside of Hogwarts, but the urge…the urge to just be able to say a couple of words and have something come out the way you want it to and not have anyone argue it.

Several tears trailed down her face. She hated her father. He was cruel, heartless, cold, unfeeling, arrogant, hateful, and so many more things. He treated her mother badly. Sometimes late at night when Narcissa would be upstairs reading she would hear her parents fighting. She would sneak down the stairs to see what was happening.

Her father almost always hit her mother. It was awful to see. He was so much bigger than her. He would hold her hands behind her back and start hitting her with his free hand. Sometimes he would hit her in her face until it bled, another time he actually broke her arm and her mother lied to everyone and said she broke it herself.

He treated her mother like he treated the houselves. They would cower in front of him when he got angry and her mother did the same thing. The look in her eyes was painful. Narcissa was beginning to understand why her mother was so distant. Fear did that to people. It cut people off and held them back.

_If my husband ever hit me…or any of my children._

She looked at her wand. It would only be a few more months.

_End of Part One_

_Next: _

_She didn't understand it at all. He wasn't his normal irritating, obnoxious self. What had changed in him? Can a person really change so much over the summer?_


	2. Part Two: What's Right For Me

**Wednesday, October 1, 1972  
><strong>

**Hogwarts; Transfiguration Class  
><strong>

"All right, class dismiss," said Professor McGonagall.

The students all gathered up their books and began to file out. Narcissa stayed at her desk. She wanted to talk to Professor McGonagall. She was strict, but it was also pretty obvious that she cared about her students.

"Miss Black? Why are you still here? Is something wrong?"

Narcissa slowly rose from her seat and walked up to McGonagall's desk.

"Professor, should I always do what people tell me to do?" she asked in a quiet voice

"Of course not; you should do what you think is right."

"That's the problem then, I don't know what's right and what's wrong."

"Is this a family problem?" asked McGonagall, her face seemed concern

Narcissa nodded.

"Well, because you're still young I cannot go against your parents, but in time you will come to your own convictions and beliefs."

That was no help at all.

"Well, thank you Professor," she said.

Narcissa picked up her bag and walked out of the classroom. After a month of being back in school she was still more confused than ever. Sirius hadn't changed at all; he still spent all of his time with James Potter; smart, no nonsense Remis Lupin, and the incredibly annoying Peter Pettigrew.

The four of them were inseparable. She was glad that Sirius had some friends of his own. His parents almost flipped when they found out he been sorted into Gryffindor and they said he wouldn't fit in at all. They were wrong. In only his second year, Sirius was one of the most popular kids in school.

His younger brother Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin, much too both boys delight. Sirius was glad that his bratty brother wouldn't be following him and his friends around, and Regulus was once more glad at the fact that he was able to do something that Sirius couldn't.

She sat down on a bench outside in the courtyard and pulled off the necklace that Sirius had given her last Christmas. It still looked brand new, even though she wore it every day. The words on the back still gave her encouragement. Most times she still felt empty and alone, her father's attempts to shatter her dreams were almost successful.

"That's lovely," came a gentle voice.

Narcissa turned around and saw Lucius Malfoy standing behind her. He had changed quite a bit over the summer. He had grown several inches, and his chest and shoulders had broadened out as well. His thick white blonde hair was slightly longer and pulled back into a small ponytail.

"What do you want?" asked Narcissa as she put her necklace back on.

"Nothing really," said Lucius, his tone seemed deeper and more mature than it had been several months before.

"How was your holiday?" Narcissa asked, "You went to Greece, didn't you?"

"Yes," said Lucius sitting down next to her, "It was fairly enjoyable. How was your holiday?"

"About as enjoyable as a cancelled Quidditch game."

Lucius smiled, "That bad?"

"Yeah," said Narcissa.

She looked over at him. He seemed so much more handsome than when she last saw him. There was a difference in his mannerisms as well or at least when he was around her.

"You've changed over the summer," he said after a while.

"I have?" Narcissa asked, feeling a slight blush come to her face.

"You're taller and your face has thinned out slightly. You look older."

"Older?"

Lucius almost laughed, "Mature older."

"I see," said Narcissa, "Thank you for your compliment then."

The bell rang and Narcissa suddenly realized that she was going to miss Charms class if she didn't hurry.

"I better go," she said, "I'll be late for class."

"Goodbye," said Lucius

For a second she was tempted to turn around and thank him for helping her last April, but when she did he was already gone.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Thursday, October 16, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The Great Hall - lunch  
><strong>

Narcissa finished up her History of Magic essay and placed the finished work in her school binder. One more thing done. She was looking forward to choir practice that night. Professor Flitwick was doing an original composition by Newalt Goovendeling _"The Seer's Sun" _It was a personal favorite of hers.

As she was flipping through her music book, she saw Lucius Malfoy and some of his friends sitting down from her and beginning to eat. She didn't pay any attention to them until she began to hear her name.

"I can't believe how gorgeous Narcissa Black has gotten! Where did she go for summer holiday?

"Shh, she'll hear you."

"In a room this loud?"

"She went to France this summer," she heard Lucius say.

"She went to France a little girl and came back a woman. I didn't even recognize her."

"Yeah, her face isn't the only thing that's changed…"

She heard the boys laugh. She was wondering if Lucius was laughing with them and what he thought of her, but she didn't hear him say much. She actually didn't mind them talking about her like that.

Wait, what was she thinking? She hated it when people talked about her! What was wrong with her? She shyly looked down the table and saw the boys talking, Lucius was smiling about something, but he didn't seem to be saying much.

She went back to her book and started to read again.

"Miss Black!"

Narcissa looked up. It had sounded like Professor Flitwick's voice and sure enough it was. He was hurrying to where she was sitting.

"Miss Black, choir practice has been cancelled tonight. Seems like half of the group have come down with a cold."

"That's not good," said Narcissa, slightly disappointed, choir was the highlight of her week, "Thank you Professor and I hope everyone gets better."

_Might as well head back to the common room._

She put her books away and walked pass Lucius and his friends on the way out of the hall. She had the strangest feeling they were watching her as she passed by.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Thursday, October 31, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The Great Hall - Halloween Feast  
><strong>

Narcissa felt like she couldn't eat a thing. So much food and candy in front of her and she felt nauseous. Everyone else was gorging themselves on the feast, but Narcissa thought she was going to be sick to her stomach.

"What's wrong?" asked a student next to her, "You look pale."

"I just don't feel like eating."

"What?" said Crabbe, "This is the best night of the school year!"

"I know, but I just don't…I'm heading back to the common room."

"Could you be coming down with the cold that's been going around the school?" asked Charlotte Bryers, "Maybe you should head to the hospital."

"No, I'm fine," Narcissa said standing up, "You all enjoy the feast."

As she was walking back to the Slytherin common room she saw Lucius Malfoy reading on the steps.

"Why aren't you at the feast?" she asked.

"The feast has started?"

"Almost fifteen minutes ago," Narcissa said.

"I guess I lost track of time," he said putting his book into his bag, "Don't tell me you walked all the way here to remind me that the feast had started?"

"No," Narcissa said shaking her head, "I didn't feel like eating, so I was going to head back to my room."

"I've noticed you haven't eaten all day," said Lucius, "and you're really pale. Are you sick?"

He placed the back of his hand on her forehead and Narcissa almost stopped him, but he was so gentle she hardly felt anything.

"You're really warm," he said, "but you're not burning up. Go lay down on the common room couch and I'll be there in a minute."

When Narcissa got into the dark common room, she started a fire in the fireplace and lay down on the couch. She was nervous as to what Lucius was up to, but she had a feeling he wouldn't hurt her. There had been a genuine look of concern in his eyes.

After a few minutes she heard the portrait door open and she saw Lucius walk in. In his hands he was carrying a small glass jar and a washcloth in a bowl.

"Just relax," he said as he poured the contents of the bottle into the bowl and dampened the washcloth with it. Whatever was in there, it smelled heavenly. He gently pressed the washcloth to her forehead. Relief began to spread through her body. It was something she hadn't felt in a long time. Not since…her accident in April. Then the argument with her father has worsened it.

"Is that better?" he asked.

"Yes," said Narcissa, hoping she didn't sound like moaning.

While Lucius continued to gently wipe her forehead, Narcissa studied him for a minute. His handsome features were highlighted by the fire in the dark common room. The usual arrogant expression was replaced by rare tenderness and concern.

She didn't understand it at all. He wasn't his normal irritating, obnoxious self. What had changed in him? Can a person really change so much over the summer?

"I…I never got to thank you…for helping me back in April. My accident when I fell down the stairs. I never thanked you for taking me to the hospital. So, thank you."

"You're welcome," said Lucius softly, "but it was because of me that you ended up falling down the stairs."

"I know that," Narcissa said, "but I assumed it was an accident."

Lucius smiled at her.

After he was done he put the bowl and the washcloth away. Narcissa sat up on the couch, her head much better, but she still didn't have much of an appetite.

"I don't want to keep you from the feast," she said.

"Are you going back down?" Lucius asked.

"No," Narcissa said quickly, "I'll…I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight then," said Lucius and he walked out the portrait door.

"Goodnight," whispered Narcissa.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, November 29, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The courtyard  
><strong>

It was late, but Narcissa just wasn't tired. She felt agitated and she didn't know why. There were no exams or big projects ahead of her. She would be spending Christmas at Hogwarts with some of her friends instead of her family, so why was she walking alone outside on a freezing winter night?

She hugged her cloak tighter around her shoulders and walked down the open air hallways of the courtyard. The moon was bright and its light illuminated the falling snow making the scene almost enchanted, almost unreal.

The silence that night was so calming. Amidst all the comings and goings of students, loudness during mealtimes, and the never ending orders from teachers, prefects, and the Head Boy and Girl, saying "Stop, don't go there, get over here, and detention!"

Narcissa closed her eyes. She felt the snow lightly land on her face and she breathed in the cold air. Her world of dance began to open up again, only now she didn't have to imagine the setting. She was standing right there. In a beautiful snow filled courtyard with the moon as her light. Even in the deafening snow, she could hear the music. It was her heartbeat, in the memories of laughing with her friends earlier that day, in the anticipation of being able to stay at Hogwarts and not go back home; her music was in her soul that longed to be freed from the world.

She opened her eyes and much to her surprise she realized that she wasn't alone.

"Lucius," she said softly when she saw him sitting in the open window, "What are you doing here?"

"Well," he smiled, "I'm supposed to be patrolling the halls making sure all the children are in bed, but seeing as one, you're not a child (Narcissa giggled), and two, you looked so enchanting in this lovely natural setting, I didn't have the heart to ruin it."

"Well, thank you," said Narcissa as she walked back into the hallways.

"What are you doing up?" Lucius asked.

"I wasn't tired, my mind was spinning, and it just was so calm and heavenly out here, that I thought maybe a walk would help."

"Did it?"

"Yes," Narcissa said.

After a second Lucius asked, "Did you remember what happened on this very day last year?"

Narcissa tried to remember, but she actually couldn't think of anything important.

"No," she said finally, "What happened?"

"This was the day I tried to kiss you and you ran away."

Suddenly memories from that awful weekend came flooding back to her and that's not exactly how it went.

"Hold on," she said, "If I remember, _you _were trying to get _me_ to kiss you."

They both laughed.

"All right," said Lucius, "Maybe it did happen that way, but I guess if you don't remember, it must mean that you've finally forgiven me."

"It means nothing," Narcissa said, "but you kept your distance afterwards and that was enough."

"Well, then can I ask why you were so afraid?"

That was a question that Narcissa had never been able to figure out. Why had she been so afraid? Did she think that Lucius was playing around with her or that she would be bad at it or that some student or teacher would see them?

"I really don't know," she said, "I was young and nervous and I guess I wasn't ready."

"Ready for what?" asked Lucius

"To… to kiss you," she whispered.

"Are you ready now?" He said coming closer

Narcissa could feel her heat beating rapidly. She knew that if she backed out again, Lucius would leave her with her dignity this time, and now after he had been so kind to her, after her anger had finally abated, was she ready?

She didn't answer him, but instead she placed her hand on Lucius' shoulder and slowly he bent down and pressed his lips to hers. Warmth, indescribable warmth flooded her whole body. Lucius began to deepen the kiss. He pressed Narcissa gently against the wall and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her hands and fingers were freezing but he didn't seem to mind.

Lucius broke the kiss, but softly kissed her cheek while he reached up and untied her cloak from around her shoulders. Narcissa didn't care, they could make love right in that hallway and she wouldn't care. She knew that what she felt wasn't love, but it was satisfaction knowing that something finally turned out right.

He pulled her small body into his arms, the warmth of his cloak and his own body, covered hers. They resumed their kiss, deeper and more passionate. Were all first kisses like this? Or was it just kissing Lucius in general?

How long had it been? A few seconds or minutes? Everything was going by so fast and yet so slow at the same time.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, they broke apart, but Narcissa remained in Lucius' strong and warm arms. She could hear his heart beating rapidly in time to her breathing.

"Is this what kissing with you always like this?" she asked quietly.

Lucius laughed and held her closely, "I suppose so," he said.

"Are you going to tell the whole school this time?" she asked.

"Actually," he said pulling away from her and looked into her lovely eyes, "I only told one person and then that person told another person, and that person,"

"Told another person," they both said together and then laughed.

"We better get back to the common room," he said taking her small hand

They both walked together in silence, but it was a peaceful silence. Narcissa had no idea if this meant they were in a relationship, or if this was one of Lucius' week-long flings. And yet, when Lucius kissed her goodnight and she headed upstairs to bed, she had a feeling that she wasn't love, but it was close enough to it.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Sunday, November 30, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**Slytherin common room; 6th years girl's dormitory  
><strong>

When Narcissa woke up the next morning, memories from last night began to replay in her mind. The moonlight shining down on Lucius, illuminating his brilliant blue eyes, his strong arms wrapped around her, the sweet taste of his mouth, the rare feeling of safety of comfort that had seemed almost impossible for her to comprehend.

_I'm acting like a lovesick fool. _

Was she really in love with him? She had never really known love. With the exception of Sirius, she had never had anyone stand up for her, but she had never had anyone show any general interest in her, tell her that they loved her, so how was she to know what love felt like?

Was love waiting in anxious desire for someone? Or soft kisses in private? Or promising to never leave?

And anyway, in spite of how charming and gentile Lucius was last night, who was to say that this was going to be serious? Lucius had a notorious reputation for being a player, and yet that didn't seem to bother any of the girls there.

Narcissa ran her fingers through her hair, thinking about the many questions that lay before her. If everything in her life had seemed complicated before, it just got much more complex with Lucius. She had never expected him to be in her life, never wanted him in her life, and yet he was always there on the edges of her mind.

After the disaster that had happened last year and the anger she had fed for so long he hadn't given up on her. Sure, he was being an uncaring jerk, but weren't most sixteen year old boys? Then again he had never physically hurt her, he had kept his distance from her, and he had apologized. She didn't believe him because no one had ever apologized for their unkind actions toward her.

There it was. Narcissa had kept distant from people because she was so use to people hurting her and not offering an apology afterwards. She had always expected to have people hurt her and simply to pick herself up and carry on.

Lucius had hurt her, but he said he was sorry and after she told him off, he had stayed away. After the summer holiday, he had shown a definite change in character. Maybe she should believe him, maybe she could try to understand love, but then Lucius was very prejudiced toward muggles and muggle-born witches and wizards.

How could he say he loved someone and then show constantly fed loyalty to something he had raised to believe that was right and acceptable his circle of society?

Narcissa herself was unsure about her own beliefs. She believed that if you're a witch or wizard you should be taught, but then it could also be dangerous for the wizarding community if more and more muggles found out, and muggles had been just as prejudiced towards wizards for many years.

_I don't know._

_I'm more confused than ever._

**Room of Requirement - dance studio  
><strong>

When Narcissa had found the room of requirement, it had been nothing short of a miracle for her. Being a school that taught only witchcraft and wizardry, it would seem ridiculous that Hogwarts would offer dance. Narcissa bought books on ballet and practiced when she could in her room or in the empty class room, but it wasn't the same as being in a ballet studio.

When she was thirteen she had been dancing in the empty Charms classroom when some of the older students saw her and started teasing her about it. So embarrassed, she grabbed her bag and dance book and ran out. She was walking down the corridors, wishing more than anything that she had her own private place to practice when suddenly doors appeared on the wall. They looked similar to the front doors of the dance school she use to attend when she was a child.

No one else seemed to notice them and Narcissa's curiosity was aroused. She opened the doors and walked right into a room filled wall to wall with mirrors, exercise bars, and an old radio that played her favorite dance pieces. It almost seemed too good to be true.

After that, all that Narcissa needed to bring was her books, ballet shoes, and exercise outfit. She went for an hour every Saturday and Sunday morning. Sometimes if she had time, she would practice at night.

That morning she was more thankful than ever for her studio. She tied on her practice ballet shoes and flicked her wand toward the old radio. The warm up music began to play. She placed her leg on the bar and began to stretch. She held her arms out and held them in perfect precision.

_Up, down, back and forth._

_Almost like life in many ways._

She could see everything she was doing when surrounded by mirrors on all sides. The posture in her back was absolutely straight. Her toes were pointed perfectly. After warm up, her favorite musical pieces began to play. She had seen them all performed live on stage by the best dancers in the wizarding world. She knew every step, every motion, every leap, spin and twirl. Sometimes she would add her own bit to the dances.

When she was there in the room of requirement dancing, her mind was clear and her soul was free. She was the Narcissa she wanted to be, the Narcissa she should be. As she spun around the floor, she would catch a reflection of herself in the mirror. She was flushed and smiling, and happy. She made the rules and no one could change them.

When the music stopped, Narcissa sat down on the bench and wiped her face. She was completely out of breath; she had danced non-stop for almost thirty minutes. It was good though. It helped her get her mind off of Lucius, although she wanted to see him again. She was almost dreading going into the Great Hall for fear that someone might have seen the two of them last night and now the whole school knew.

_Wait! Stop!_

_I'm in here so I don't have to think about any of this!_

She threw her towel down, flicked her wand back to the radio and the music started up again.

_Clear your mind. You are whoever you want to be in here._

_No one can harm you or tell you what to do._

As the music grew faster, Narcissa almost had the feeling she was flying across the room.

_No fear, no pain, no agony._

When the finale came, there were no cheers or clapping, but that didn't matter to Narcissa. Not now at least.

**The Great Hall - breakfast  
><strong>

After Narcissa showered and changed in her room, she went down to the Great Hall; bracing herself for whispers and stares when she walked in. All that greeted her was the usual talking of the students, no stares, no laughing, no whispers.

Narcissa breathed a sigh of relief. She looked around for Lucius, but he couldn't be seen anywhere. Then again, he always slept in on the weekends. She sat down at the table and took a piece of toast off the tray.

"Morning, Cissy," said Tina Parkinson who was sitting across from her, "What happened last night?"

Narcissa's heart almost stopped beating.

_Was there a double meaning in the question?_

_Did Tina see them? Would she say anything?_

_Tina was one of her friends; she wouldn't betray her trust like that._

"What are you talking about?" Narcissa asked, with as much control as she could handle.

"Don't you remember?" asked Tina, "You said you didn't feel tired and so you were going to take a walk around the school. You were out for a long time and so I just went to bed, instead of waiting up for you. I was about to fall asleep when you came into the room, but I was too tired to ask you anything."

Narcissa let out a sigh of relief. At least inwardly she did.

"Oh that," she said, "I just went for a walk out in the courtyard, that's all. It was so beautiful last night."

"Oh ok," said Tina and went back to eating.

Narcissa got some eggs and toast and was talking to Tina about the upcoming plans for their Christmas holidays at Hogwarts, when she saw Sirius walk into the Great Hall. He seemed distraught about something.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" she asked when he walked by her table.

"Nothing," he snapped without even looking at her. He stalked over to his table, sat down next to James and started eating his breakfast.

"What was that all about?" asked Tina who seemed just as confused.

"I don't know," said Narcissa. She got up from the table and walked over to where Sirius was sitting.

"What's wrong? Why are you angry?" she asked, trying not to sound like she was patronizing him.

For a second there was silence between the two of them and then Sirius threw down his food and stood up. Narcissa couldn't believe that they were the same height.

"Don't think that I didn't see you with _him_ last night," he said, his dark eyes piercing into her blue ones.

Narcissa felt dread fill her entire body. Her worst fears had been confirmed and someone she loved dearly felt betrayed.

"Sirius," she said, "he has changed so much-"

"To you maybe," he said getting louder.

"You keep your voice down," she hissed at him.

"I don't have time for this," Sirius said, "So go, run off with Lucius. I can't believe you could be so blind."

"Lucius?" said Alice, "What are you talking about. She hates Lucius."

"She didn't seem to last night, when she was banged up against the wall with him," Sirius said loudly.

Suddenly the whole Hall went quiet. Narcissa's dread went to terror. Sirius, her own cousin, whom she had come to love like a brother, was purposely and publicly humiliating her. The same boy who stood up for her last year was now hurting her.

"Sirius, stop," Lily said, "It's none of your concern who she's with."

"And how would a muggleborn like you know the concerns of a pureblood family?" he snapped.

Lily just stared at him; her eyes began to look glazy. Narcissa couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"That's unfair!" said James getting up from the table and facing him, "You take that back!"

"I won't have you tell me what to do, James Potter!" Sirius said pushing him back down.

James, who was taller than Sirius, pushed him arm out of the way and backhanded him in the face. The whole Hall was suddenly talking loudly. Narcissa had to stop this.

Sirius was about to lunge at James, but Narcissa pushed him to the ground. He fell, hitting his head on the stone floor.

"Stop it!" she yelled, "Both of you!"

At that moment, Professor McGonagall came sweeping in with her emerald colored robes. The Hall went silent again. Sirius was holding the back of his head. Narcissa could tell he was trying not to cry.

"What is going on here?" McGonagall said in a chilling tone.

"Sirius and I…have…gotten into a fight," Narcissa said quickly, "and James tried to intervene…and it turned into a fight between the two of them."

"I can't believe that," McGonagall said, "Potter and Sirius in a fight?"

"James couldn't mind his own business," Sirius said getting up.

"Well, maybe you should learn to treat your cousin and the other girls here with more respect," James said darkly.

"The both of you come with me," McGonagall said, "As well as you Miss Black."

James got up from the table and kept a good distance from Sirius who was on the other side of McGonagall.

Narcissa looked over at the Lily, who was crying, and Alice who had her arm wrapped around her. She walked out of the hallway behind McGonagall, Sirius, and James. She could hear the whispers, feel the stares, and imagined the dread that was coming.

**Professor McGonagall's office  
><strong>

McGonagall's office was almost like her; uncluttered, straight, orderly, with no fuss at all. When they walked in, she waved her wand and immediately three chairs zoomed in front of her large oak desk.

"Sit down," she said.

James and Sirius sat in the two end chairs, leaving Narcissa for the middle one. When McGonagall sat down she eyed all three of them for a second.

"Now," she said, "Will you, Miss Black, tell me what's going on?"

For a moment she felt she couldn't talk. How was she going to explain to a professor that she had been up late at night, kissing Lucius Malfoy, who everyone knew she had despised for such a long time? It didn't help that she had two twelve year old boys in the same room sitting on either side of her.

She took a deep breath and started, "Last night I couldn't relax and so I decided to take a walk around the school. I ran into Lucius Malfoy and supposedly Sirius saw us both together and got angry."

"Why would you be angry at seeing your cousin with him, Mr. Black?"

"It was how I saw them together," Sirius answered.

"What?"

"I saw them…kissing against the wall!" he practically shouted at her.

"Mr. Black-"McGonagall started.

"I can't believe that after all he did to Narcissa last year and she goes and monkeys up on the idiot!"

"Mr. Black!" McGonagall shouted, "You will remember you're talking to!"

Sirius quieted down, but he was still glaring at her.

"Now, Mr. Potter, how did you get involved?"

"Lily tried to stand up for Narcissa and Sirius insulted her. He pushed me down and I backhanded him. Then he was about to lunge at me when Narcissa pushed him down."

"Is this true?" McGonagall asked Narcissa and Sirius.

Narcissa nodded and Sirius answered yes in a dark tone.

"Well, you know that I will never, never condone fighting. So for that, Black and Potter, you will both have detention with me all week. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am," they both said.

"Now, both of you leave and wait outside my office. I don't want any talking between the two of you. Miss Black, I want you to stay."

James and Sirius both got up silently and left. When James closed the door (more like slammed it), McGonagall's expression changed from strict to softness. She got up from behind her desk and sat down where James had been.

Narcissa could feel the tears streaming down her face. Her whole body was shaking and she felt like her head was about to split.

"Tell me what's wrong," McGonagall said.

For moment she couldn't speak and then everything came out like river rushing out of a dam.

"Everything is wrong," she said, "with me, my family, my future. I have everyone planning my life, except me! It doesn't matter what I want to do, who I want to be, who a want to be with, someone in my life finds fault with it!"

She bent her head down and ran her fingers through her hair, "My father…my father wants nothing to do with me. He has never wanted anything to do with me, but when I voice my plans on becoming a teacher, he beats me in the face!

My older sister, Bellatrix, takes up all the attention in my family and if she can't be the center of the universe, if someone dares to steal the limelight, then they are going to pay!

Andromeda is so distant from us; father doesn't even want her around the family. She is the only person who has ever seemed to give damn about me and yet…she now…she's leaving me alone!"

She stopped to steady her breathing.

"My mother…for so long I hated her. I thought she never wanted me. Then I realize she is the way she is because my father…he beats her! I've seen him do it! He treats her like he treats our houselves! My mother is so afraid him, so afraid of doing something wrong, saying something wrong!

Oh my God, I hate him so much! What I have had to do to keep my hand from going to my wand when I see him! I HATE HIM!"

McGonagall didn't say anything. She just looked at her waiting for her to finish.

"And as if my world couldn't get any more complicated, I was stupid enough to let Lucius Malfoy in my life. Sirius was right, how could I have been such a fool to give in to him. Now, my relationship with my cousin who has been like a brother to me is almost destroyed, and he and his best are fighting…and I have no idea what to do about any of it."

Narcissa finally stopped. She lay back in her chair and breathed in deeply. She wiped away the remaining tears that fell.

"I'm sorry, Professor," she said, "That's probably more than you wanted to know."

"Narcissa," McGonagall said, "I have learned more about you in the last minute that in the six years you have been at this school. Why have you not told anyone?"

"Who was there to tell?" she said, "I have no close friends, no one. The closest thing I had was Sirius and looked what happened."

"I am so sorry," McGonagall said, "You could have come to me. About your father, your career plans – wait; is this what you were trying to talk to me about in October?"

Narcissa nodded.

McGonagall took her hand and held in tightly, "My dear," she said quietly.

After a second she asked, "You want to become a teacher?"

"I did," Narcissa said, "Now, I'm not so sure. I'm caught between teaching and fulfilling my childhood dreams of dance and ballet."

"You can do both," McGonagall said.

Narcissa looked at her in confusion.

"Become a dance teacher," she said, "You are so gifted and children would love you. Think about it."

She nodded. It was an intriguing idea. She wondered why she never thought of it before.

"As for your family," McGonagall said, "I can't really do anything about your father."

"He would just deny it anyway," Narcissa said, "He has several good ways of having people agree with him."

"Why don't you go back upstairs and lay down for a while. Clear you mind and rest," said McGonagall as she helped her up from her chair. She placed her arm around the younger girl and led her to the door, "Everything will be fine," she said.

She opened the door and let Narcissa out. Sirius and James had actually done what they were told to do for once and were sitting across from one another, not looking at each and not talking. She caught a look at Sirius before she left. His face was as cold and as dark as her fathers. She felt like her heart was breaking.

As Narcissa made her way up to the Slytherin common room she didn't bother to wipe the tears that fell. People saw her and began to whisper. She could feel their stares once more. She didn't care. So what if they saw her crying, so what if they knew that she was falling apart.

She finally made it to the portrait of the god-awful snake that had scared her when she saw it for the first time.

"Passsword," it slithered.

"Medici," she said softly.

The door swung open and she walked inside. To no surprise, she saw Lucius and some of his friends on the couch talking.

"Narcissa," he said when he saw her. He got up from the couch and ran over to her.

"Lucius don't," she said as she continued walking.

"Wait," said Lucius as he took her arm.

"What's wrong?" he asked, "Why are you crying?" He gently took her face in his hands and wiped away her tears.

"Lucius," she said, "We can't…not now. My cousin saw us last night and now he's furious at me-"

"Wait a minute," he said, "We can't be together because of what you twelve year cousin thinks?"

"He has been there for me when no one else has. I care about him deeply."

"Care for him so much, that it has to be up to him to decide who you else you should care for?"

"Please, I don't want to talk about this right now," she said as she ran up to her room.

When she got up there she sat down on her bed and covered her face with her hands.

_How? How could this all have happened?_

_Everything has gone from bad to worse!_

She took off the necklace that Sirius had given her. _A heart full of love blossoms like a flower in the sun._

It wasn't true. Her heart was empty and broken. The sun was gone and she was wilting.

**Slytherin common room; 6th years girl's dormitory  
><strong>

Narcissa woke up to find her room almost dark. She checked her watch and saw that it said 5:23. Good god, how could she have slept that long! She got out of bed and walked over to the window. The evening sky was beginning to darken. The snow glistened in the last rays of light. Narcissa could see students coming back from Hogsmeade. She saw younger children in the courtyard making snow angels and snowmen.

She remembered when she used to do that with Andromeda. She remembered a lot of things about being a child.

_Mother brushing her long hair so gently._

_Andromeda teaching her how to read. _

_Playing with their dogs until nightfall. _

_Spending hours in her tree-house playing dolls and reading books about faraway lands._

_Remembering the joy and ecstasy of being onstage in front of people._

What happened? Her family life had never been easy, but there were moments especially with her mother that she kept close to her heart. She remembered when she was four and spinning around in her new ballet costume. It was blue and purple with little sequins all over.

"_Cissy, aren't you sweet in that? You'll be the prettiest little girl on stage."_

Her mother had said that. How she treasured those precious words in her heart.

She remembered when Sirius was brought home from the hospital. She was almost five. He had been tiny with thick black hair and large dark eyes. She remembered begging Aunt Alberga to hold him.

"_Be careful. He's very fragile. You like the new baby?"_

Narcissa remembered saying yes. Surprisingly enough, Sirius didn't cry when she held him. She remembered what a warm bundle of cuteness he was. She loved stroking his hair and being allowed to feed him.

Now what had happened? Sirius had grown up. She had grown up. Life became unpredictable and hard.

Narcissa pulled her jumper on and zipped it up. Why was it always so cold in her room? She was in debate on whether or not she should go down to the Great Hall and get something to eat. She was starving; so she may as well get a small plateful.

When she got down to the common room, there were other students there, but thankfully they didn't seem to notice her. She walked out of the portrait hole and made her way down to the Great Hall.

**The Great Hall  
><strong>

Food could sometimes be so dissatisfying. Narcissa felt like she couldn't taste anything. She needed to eat; she hadn't had anything all day. While she was pondering her thoughts, Remus Lupin sat down next to her.

"Hello," he said.

"Oh, hello," she replied.

She had always liked him. Normally a rather serious child, with a no nonsense attitude toward life, and yet there was an incredible kindness and affectionate charm to him. He always seemed so sickly, though. He was hopelessly skinny with light brown hair and deep brown eyes that seemed very tired, like he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep in the last several days.

"How are you doing?" he asked, his soft husky voice felt so relieving and calming.

"I'm all right," she said, she knew she was lying, "How is Sirius and…"

"James?" he answered, "They're fine. They're talking to one another again. I have never seen anyone with a beastlier temper than Sirius though."

"It's a family trait," Narcissa said, "I'm glad things are better between the two of them."

"Yeah, James is really good at smoothing things over with people. He was first to say sorry, but he also said that Sirius' anger could have done a lot of damage today. And surprisingly enough, Sirius agreed with him. After that, Sirius just kind of…broke down and told us about his life and his family. It's really not that good. I don't want to gossip, but you probably know better than the rest of us."

"That's good," said Narcissa, "That Sirius is talking to somebody at least. He's been through a lot and so have I. That's probably why we've been so close in the last couple of years, because we understood one another."

"He's really good at hiding what he feels," said Remus, "Although…I'm not really one to talk."

"You don't like letting people know how you feel?"

"It's something like that," he said, "Well, I have to go, but I thought I would tell you about Sirius and that he's doing all right."

"Thank you," said Narcissa, "It means a lot to me. Oh, what about Lily? Did he get that taken care of?"

Remus smiled, "Yeah that was the first thing he did when he saw her. He said he was sorry and that his anger usually gets the best of him. She said she had already forgiven him."

"I wish there were more people like that," Narcissa said.

"I think there are," Remus said, getting up from the table, "You just have to know where to look." He said goodbye and walked out of the hall.

Narcissa went back to eating. She needed to talk to her cousin and get things straightened out. She was happy that he and James were back on good terms with one another.

"Narcissa," came Lucius' voice from behind.

He sat down next to her, and leaned over so she could look at him.

"Can we please talk now? I've gotten about fifty different versions of what happened between you and your cousin today."

"And they're probably all true," Narcissa said stiffly without even looking at him.

"What is wrong? Why are so scared of what everybody thinks?"

"Lucius," she said starring straight at him, "I have lived my entire life trying to do what is right in the eyes of other people. That is all I have known. I'm told what to do and I do it. The one time I make my own decision to do what I want to do, disaster follows. I don't know how to decide for myself! I never know who I might hurt!"

She turned her face away from him so he didn't see the tears that were threatening to fall.

"You can't live your life like that," Lucius said, "look at me."

Narcissa turned to face him.

"You can't live to please everyone. Your cousin hates me, and that's understandable. I've made some mistakes, yes, and I'm sorry for them. If he can't accept that, then he's at fault. I know you care about him and he cares about you, but Narcissa for once…for once do something that is going to make you happy."

"I don't know what happiness is," she said, getting up from the table and walking out of the Hall.

"Narcissa, please," said Lucius as he followed her.

She started walking back to the common room, but didn't get far when she started to feel dizzy. Her head ached terribly and she was beginning to shiver all over; like ice cold water had poured all over her. Everything around her began to move slowly and became hazy. Sounds became distant. She felt someone take her arms.

"Narcissa," she heard Lucius say.

Then everything went dark.

**The hospital ward  
><strong>

"What else can happen to this girl?"

"A lot of it might stem from problems at home. I've talked to Andromeda about it and she says her father is a huge problem."

"All men in the Black family are the same. They abuse their wives and daughters terribly and then wonder why they have no respect for them. They're barbaric, every single one of them."

"Narcissa told me today that her father hit her when she told him she wanted to become a teacher.

"What!"

"I can't believe it!"

"Something needs to be done about this or she is going to have a break down that might cost her her life."

Narcissa could hear the voices of Professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, and Professor Slughorn all talking. She tried to open her eyes, but they were so heavy. She was freezing cold, but she also felt sweaty, almost on fire. She pulled the blankets colder around her. Her back felt stiff and so did her neck. Her legs and arms felt like lead.

What was wrong?

"How is she?" came the calm voice of Professor Dumbledore

"Oh Albus," said Professor McGonagall, "I don't know how much more this poor child can take. First the fight with her cousin this morning, her break down in my office, oh, the things she told me, I have no idea how she is still sane."

Narcissa felt a cool hand on her forehead.

"My goodness, she is warm," said Dumbledore.

"I'm afraid she may have meningitis," said Madam Pomfrey, "Which is very rare in the wintertime. I gave her some medicine, but she has obviously had this for a while and never even knew."

"What's all this I hear with Lucius Malfoy?" asked Dumbledore, "I've been hearing his name being tossed around a lot today."

"Supposedly, Sirius, Narcissa's cousin, saw her and Lucius Malfoy kissing last night and he just went off the edge today," said McGonagall, "Although, this is the second time that Lucius has brought her into the hospital wing. I have no idea if he's coming or going with this girl."

"Well, let's let her sleep," said Dumbledore, "and we can talk some more about this in my office."

The lights went off and Narcissa immediately fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Monday, December 1, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The hospital ward  
><strong>

"_Narcissa wait!"…"How could you do this?"…I'm so sorry about all of this."…"Are you ready now?"…"I hate my father!"…"When will I ever choose what I want for my life?"_

Memories or dreams swirled around in Narcissa's head all night. They seemed so real and were so repetitive. Nothing changed in them; they just got louder and clearer in her mind. She tossed and turned all night. She didn't know if she was awake or asleep, and she felt hot and cold at the same time.

That was what misery was. Not knowing what was real and what wasn't. How she wished she had some good thought to dwell upon. A precious memory to cling to in her time of need, but she had nothing. She was as empty and as lifeless as a dementor. That's what she felt like. Like a dementor had sucked out her soul in one day.

There was no one in her life she particularly wanted in there with her. She hated being alone though. The night and the darkness seemed never-ending. She waited and longed for the morning time.

Finally she began to see a little bit of light coming in through the window. She pulled the blankets off of her, the cold hitting her like a block of ice, but she was so hot, it actually felt good. Slowly she walked over to the window.

The most beautiful sunrise was there to greet her. Its heavenly gold rays reached out across the lake and made the snow glisten and shine. The day was going to be sunny and bright. It wasn't snowing, so it would be calm and still as well.

She stood there at the window, utterly breathless at the sight.

"It seems like I'm not the only one that enjoys a good sunrise."

Narcissa turned around and saw Professor Dumbledore walking toward her. In his hands he was carrying a soft looking blanket.

"It is lovely," he said standing next to Narcissa, "The last several days have been rather…gloomy, shall I say. I mean that literally as well as figuratively."

Narcissa knew what he was getting on at.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better," she said, surprised at how soft her voice was. It was quite hard to talk.

"You've had a rather rough day yesterday," he went on.

Narcissa nodded.

"Come," he said, putting his arm around her, "This site is lovely, but you should be in bed."

He led her back to her bed and wrapped the soft blanket around her shoulders. It felt wonderful and so cozy and she felt like she could drift back to sleep, but Dumbledore sat on the edge of her bed.

"I've heard you've had a rather hard time in the last several weeks," he said.

Narcissa nodded.

"It's…I just seem so lost," she said, "People say that I can't love. That I only care about myself. It's not true professor. I want to love, but what is it?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Professor Dumbledore in confusion.

"I really don't know what love is. What it's like to be loved," she confessed as tears began to trail down her face.

"Oh, Narcissa, love is many things," said Dumbledore, "I see love in you all the time. When you're with the first years, when you're laughing with your friends, or helping the teachers. That is love Narcissa. Not some ridiculous romantic feelings you get when a boy looks at you. Rather, a giving of yourself whole heartily without any expectations of receiving anything in return."

He reached out gently wiped away the tears from her eyes, "You're not unlovable, Narcissa. There's a whole world of love around you."

Narcissa nodded and tried to get control of herself. Dumbledore's simple words had been like a healing balm for her. She was glad that he was able to come down so early in the morning and talk to her. She began to feel tired again.

"Maybe you should try and get some sleep," Dumbledore said.

She lay back down in bed and pulled the soft blanket over her shoulders. She closed her eyes and finally peace came.

_End of Part Two_

_Next_:

_Wasn't this the moment she had been waiting for? The moment she had been dreaming of? Why was she so scared?_


	3. Part Three: Snow Fairies

**Wednesday, December 3, 1972  
><strong>

**The hospital ward  
><strong>

"I'll give it one more day and I think you'll be able to leave," said Madam Pomfrey as she gave Narcissa her pumpkin juice.

"Wonderful!" squealed Tina, who had rarely left Narcissa's side since she got sick, "It would have been terrible if you were sick during Christmas holiday!"

Narcissa smiled. She felt better than she had in months. Her back and neck finally felt normal and her fever was completely gone. Dumbledore's words had a mighty impact on her and she dwelt on them constantly. Madam Pomfrey had kept visitors limited, with the exception of Tina who brought Narcissa her homework and helped her with it in the evenings.

"We need to do some shopping in Hogsmeade," Narcissa said, "Christmas holiday is two weeks away."

"Oh my god!" said Tina, "I've gotten…nothing! What about you?"

"Same here."

"I'm going to get a quill and parchment and we need to make a Christmas shopping list for the next Hogsmeade trip!"

"Later, Miss Parkinson," said Madam Pomfrey, "You need to head to supper."

"All right," Tina said, looking depressed, "Bye Narcissa. Have a good night."

"Bye," she said as Tina gave her hand a final squeeze and left.

"You need some supper too," said Madam Pomfrey, "I'll be right back."

Narcissa settled down in the bed and began to ponder about presents. To be honest, she really had no desire to buy presents for anyone in her family. There were so many of them, they were sure to overlook hers, but still…she wanted to be a little generous.

She would get something for Andromeda (who wasn't spending Christmas with the family either) and for Sirius (who was spending Christmas at the Potters) and maybe her mother. She had to leave Tina long enough to buy her one, and of course small presents for all the teachers and staff; she did that every year.

While she was calculating in her mind all the items she needed to buy and who to buy them for, Lucius Malfoy walked into the ward.

"Hello," she said quietly, a little nervous because she was in her nightgown.

"Hello," he said, sitting down on the bed next to her, "How are you feeling?"

"Better. Madam Pomfrey said I can leave tomorrow."

"That's good. What was it you had exactly?"

"Meningitis," Narcissa said, "The disease the affects your neck and spine."

"It doesn't have any long lasting effects on your spine does it?"

"I don't think so. Why?"

"Well, I'm just saying that it could probably damage you career as a dancer."

Narcissa looked surprise. Hardly anyone showed any interest in her dancing, except for McGonagall who was still encouraging her in the idea of a dance teacher.

"How do you know how it might affect my dancing?" she asked, "You've never seen me do it."

Lucius smiled, "That's not true. I've seen you do it in the secret room. The one that turns into a dance studio."

Narcissa looked at him in utter and complete surprise.

_Wait…how?_

_Wasn't she the only one that knew?_

_How was he able to find her?_

"How"…she asked, "How did you find me?"

"I heard the music through the wall," he explained, "when I wanted to know where it came from, the doors would appear and I would walk in to see you in the studio. Of course I would hide so you didn't see me. You're an incredible dancer."

"How many other people…who else has seen me?" she said, "That was supposed to be my secret place."

She looked at Lucius, "You obviously haven't told anyone?"

"No," he said, "I see people walk by the wall all the time. They don't hear anything, but somehow I do."

"That is so strange," she said, "Well, I guess I couldn't keep it a secret forever…and I'm glad you haven't said anything."

"I learned my lesson the last time," Lucius said.

Narcissa giggled. Madam Pomfrey came in with her food and told Lucius he needed to leave.

"I'm glad you're better," he said standing up.

After he left, Narcissa tried to eat, but found it hard to concentrate.

Now that Lucius knew her secret place, should she keep going there? Why shouldn't she? Anyway, he said she was a good dancer. Maybe…maybe he should let him in. He shouldn't have to hide; and neither should she.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Friday, December 5, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**Slytherin common room  
><strong>

"All right, I've finished," said Tina, putting her quill down, "How about you?"

"I think I'm done," Narcissa said as he picked up her list and blew on it gently to dry the ink. She had a rather large list of people.

_**Family  
><strong>_

_**Mother**_

_**Andromeda**_

_**Sirius**_

_**Frienda  
><strong>_

_**Tina Parkinson**_

_**Claudette Mardsey**_

_**Elena Riverwelk**_

_**Professors and staff  
><strong>_

_**Professor Dumbledore**_

_**Professor McGonagall**_

_**Professor Slughorn**_

_**Professor Flitwick**_

_**Professor Sprout**_

_**Madam Pince**_

_**Madam Pomfrey**_

_**Madam Hooch**_

_**Professor Lawdry**_

_**Professor Sentle**_

_**Professor O' Bailey**_

_**Professor Canthelet**_

_Maybe I should put his name down._

She hesitated for a few seconds and then wrote _**Lucius Malfoy**_.

"Ooo," said Tina taking a glance at the last name, "what are you going to get him?"

"I don't know, really.

"You're blushing," Tina said cheekily.

"I'm not!"

"You just got redder!" She began to laugh, "You seriously like him?

"Stop," Narcissa said rolling her eyes, "He's changed a lot since last year and…well, he may deserve something small."

"So the kiss last Friday doesn't count?"

"Tina, you are signing your life away," Narcissa said.

The other people in the common room didn't seem to notice their conversation and Narcissa breathed a small sigh of relief to see that Lucius was reading on the other side of the room.

"Ok, I'll stop," Tina said, "Although I… would like to know…what it was like. Kissing Lucius, I mean."

"Wonderful," Narcissa said, getting up from the table, "and that's it."

"And that's enough!" Tina said as she ducked her head to avoid getting hit by Narcissa's notebook.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, December 6, 11972<span>  
><strong>

**Slytherin common room  
><strong>

Narcissa woke up early and started to get ready to go to the Room of Requirement. Then she thought, what if Lucius didn't come, now that he had told her? Should she ask him? No. Better not.

She quietly crept out of the room and walked down the stairs. As she was just walking outside the portrait hole she ran right into Lucius.

"Whoa!" she said, "I'm sorry!"

"That's all right. Where are you going so early?"

"Uhhmm…I'm going to dance…in the secret room."

"Oh yeah, that's right," he said, "Normally when I followed you it was at night. Well, have fun."

He was about to walk inside when Narcissa asked, "Do you want to come?"

Lucius looked at her in confusion. She had no idea why she said it, but now she was hoping more than anything that he would say yes.

"You wouldn't mind?" he asked.

"No," she said, "I…I want you to come.

**The Room of Requirement - dance studio  
><strong>

Narcissa pushed the doors of the room open and walked into the familiar dance studio with its many magnifying mirrors.

"Come," she said, as she held her hand out to Lucius. He took it and walked in with her. As soon as they were both in the doors closed behind them and went back into the wall.

"What's with all the mirrors?" asked Lucius as he sat down on one of the benches.

"It's to help you see yourself on all sides to make sure you make no mistakes. The back is just as important as the front."

"The unseen is just as important as what is seen?" asked Lucius.

Narcissa looked at him for a second.

_How does he bloody do that?_

"Yes," she said, "I guess you can say that."

"Have you applied to any dance schools yet?" Lucius asked as Narcissa pulled her hair in a ponytail.

"Not yet," she said, "I'm maybe thinking of _Rezziner Academy of Dance _in Paris, but either than that I haven't given it much thought as of right now."

"Do you dance?" she asked.

"Well…" Lucius started.

"Oh, I see."

"I guess that says it all then."

"No it doesn't," Narcissa said as she flicked her wand to the radio. It began to play a slow waltz. She held her hand out to Lucius.

"Come, I'll teach you," she said.

He got up and took her hand. For a few minutes she was nervous and was a little unsure at what she was doing.

"Alright," she started, "Put your right hand on my waist."

He placed his hand gently on the soft curve of her waist. She put her own hand on his left shoulder.

"Now, try to follow me," she said, "I may end up making things worse."

Lucius laughed, "So far you're doing well."

Slowly they moved in time to the music. Lucius was better than he had been letting on and within minutes he had taken the lead. They moved around the mirrored room, spinning and twirling; talking and laughing. It all seemed so natural. Almost as if they were made to dance with each other.

With Lucius there, dancing with her, the secrecy of her room seemed to take on a whole new life. She had opened up the room to him, almost as if she had opened her heart. Dancing which had always been her solitary pursuit. Now, when joined with Lucius, it seemed so much fuller and richer.

When the music stopped, she didn't want it to end.

"That was fun," Lucius said.

Narcissa smiled. She realized that Lucius hadn't taken him hand off of her waist. She wanted to dance with him again. Did he want to dance with her? The room was completely silent. All she heard was her breathing; and his.

Then Lucius bent down and gently kissed her cheek.

"Thank you for teaching me," he whispered. He started to straighten up when Narcissa placed her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him back down into a kiss.

The feeling of warmth and safety as soon Lucius' mouth pressed into hers returned. He placed his hands softly on her face, as if to memorize her features. Narcissa mind was spinning at yet was at ease. Memories from that night several weeks ago began to replay in her mind. She remembered the cold, the snow, the moon shining down on both of them; Lucius' brilliant blue eyes gazing into hers; just like they were right now. Looking, searching, finding.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, December 13, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**The Great Hall  
><strong>

Christmas holiday had begun and people were saying their goodbyes. Narcissa, Tina and their friends, Claudette and Elena were sitting around the table making their holiday plans.

"Did you know that Lucius Malfoy is going to be the only other person in Slytherin?" said Elena.

"Hmmm, him, alone, with all four of us girls," Claudette said dreamily.

"Let's hope he doesn't want to jump off the astronomy tower before holiday is over," Tina said.

All the girls giggled, including Narcissa. It would be nice to spend Christmas holiday with him. Especially since that morning, when they had spent more time kissing in the Room of Requirement than she did practicing dance. Now he always came with her to see her dance. She was happier when he was watching, and was becoming more and more confident.

"Happy Christmas, Narcissa."

She turned around and saw Sirius bundled up in his cloak and pulling his trunk beside him. They had barely said two words to one another since the fight with one another and James Potter. Narcissa had been so preoccupied with Lucius that she hadn't given much thought to her cousin. He was happy and content with his friends though and she would leave it that.

"Happy Christmas, Sirius," she said, "Have a good time at the Potters."

He gave her a smile and was about to walk away when he turned and said in a choked voice, "I'm…I'm sorry. For what happened."

Narcissa saw tears beginning to gather in his dark eyes. She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"I know you're sorry," she said softly.

He wiped his eyes with his arm and set off out of the hall. Narcissa watched him leave with a slightly saddened heart. She did care about him very much, but sometimes you just had to let go. Pretty soon Lucius Malfoy came to sit with them at the Slytherin table.

"Supposedly, I'm going to be the lone male in the Slytherin common room this Christmas," he said, pretending to look depress.

"Well, would rather leave four defense girls all alone up there?" asked Claudette.

"Yeah, right defenseless," Lucius said, "I've been on the receiving end of one of your hexes, and you can do just fine without me."

"Still, it'll be nice to know that someone is there," Narcissa said.

"Don't you spend every Christmas here?" asked Tina.

"Yes," Lucius said, "My family…we don't do Christmas very well anymore; not since my mom died."

There was silence around the table. Lucius' face was distant as if trying to grasp a memory that seemed to get farther and farther away from him.

"Excuse me," he said in a choked voice and got up from the table, walking quickly out of the hall.

"Oh my God," said Tina, "I shouldn't have asked him. I totally forgot about his mother."

"What happened?" asked Claudette.

"His mother," Narcissa began, "She died in childbirth…on Christmas Eve. Lucius was maybe five or six years old. I remember my parents taking me over to see his family when it happened. It was…"

She couldn't go on. How she wished she could have forgotten…

* * *

><p><em><strong><span>Wednesday, December 26, 1960<span>  
><strong>_

_**Malfoy Manor  
><strong>_

_Narcissa had never in her life seen a bigger house or a bigger yard for that matter. The house or more like a mansion seemed endless and yet it looked like it came off of the front of a fairytale book._

_Snow covered all of the yard and the shrubbery. It covered the roof of the house and there were icicles hanging from the windows. Walking up the pathway toward the heavy iron gates were two adults who were engaged in a serious conversation and following behind were three little girls._

"_It's so beautiful," whispered seven year old Andromeda, "Like an ice palace."_

"_It's just a house," snapped Bellatrix who was almost nine._

_Narcissa who had just turned five couldn't say a word. In her little mind, it truly was the most incredible place she had ever seen. Andromeda reached out and took her hand._

"_What do you think, Cissy? Isn't it the most beautiful place you've ever seen?"_

_For a second she couldn't say anything and then she whispered, "Are…are there snow fairies that live in the trees?" _

_Bellatrix sniggered, "Snow fairies aren't real," she said throwing back her wild mane of black curls, "Only babies believe in those…Oh, wait a minute, you are a baby."_

"_Bella!" Andromeda growled, letting go of her little sister's hand so she could attack her older one._

_Bellatrix ran off ahead to their parents before Andromeda had a chance to tackle her to the ground. Narcissa's eyes began to fill with tears. She thought snow fairies were real, that was what Andromeda said and she was right about everything. Unlike Bella who was mean and terrible and lied all the time._

"_Don't listen to her," said Andromeda sweetly, as she took her hand again, "She's trying to be grown up, by telling you something isn't real."_

_She knelt down next to Cissy so her soft brown eyes were looking straight into her little sister's crystal blue ones._

"_You see, Bella isn't very smart. And she thinks she can be smart because she's older than you and she thinks she knows more than you. Don't ever believe what she says. You're much smarter at five than she is at nine."_

_Narcissa actually smiled at this. She wished that Andromeda was her only sister._

"_Girls!" came the strict voice of their father, "Come now!"_

_Anni took Cissy's hand and quickly they ran down the rest of the path. When they caught up with their parents and Bella their father told them to behave themselves and not to make any trouble._

"_You, little girl," he said, staring down at Narcissa, "I don't want any wining or fussing out of you. Understand?"_

"_Yes sir," she said quietly._

_They walked up the never ending stone steps. Anni kept a tight hold of Cissy so she didn't slip and fall. When they got to the door, a little houself that was about the size of Narcissa came to greet them._

"_Master Cygrus Black and family," said the houself, "come in. My master is expecting you."_

"_Of course he is, you stupid creature," snapped Cygrus as he knocked the houself out of the way._

_When Narcissa walked by the little creature she gave him a small smile and much to her surprise, he smiled back. Houselves never smiled back to humans._

_They reached the main dining hall of the house and there were already people there. They all seemed to be in deep conversation. Some of the ladies were crying and the room was so dark except for the fire in the fireplace. All of the windows had been closed with thick heavy curtains._

_What had happened?_

_Why did everyone seem so sad and on Christmas of all days?_

"_Girls, you wait here," Cygrus said, as he and Druella were led into another room._

_The three girls all sat at the table. Narcissa who could barely reach the top laid her head on Andromeda's shoulder. She wanted to go to sleep, but somehow being in that big strange house kept her awake._

"_Hey," said Bellatrix, "Is that Lucius?"_

_Narcissa looked at where her sister was pointing and saw a little boy about her age with white blonde hair and dressed in black clothes sitting in one of the windows. His face was red and he was holding his knees up to his chest as if he was trying to keep himself together._

"_I think it is," said Andromeda, "He looks terrible."_

_Narcissa couldn't keep her eyes off of him. Anni was right, he did look terrible. Without even thinking she slid off her seat and walked over to him._

"_What are you doing?" hissed Bellatrix, "Father said to stay here."_

_For once, Narcissa was not compelled to listen to her. She shyly walked over to the boy her sisters had called Lucius. She was there for a few seconds when he looked up and saw her._

"_What do you want?" he asked in a cold voice._

"_Why are you so sad on Christmas?" she asked._

"_Because…because," tears started to fall down his face, "my mother…she's…she's dead."_

_What! _

_People shouldn't die on Christmas!_

_Narcissa didn't know what to say. She wanted to say something to this boy, but she couldn't. Lucius wiped his face and went on, "My brother, he's dead too."_

"_Oh no!" Narcissa said, a little louder than she had expected._

"_Cissy," said Andromeda, "Come back here."_

_Narcissa walked over to her sisters and sat back down at the table._

"_He said his mamma and his brother are both…dead," she told her sisters._

"_We know," Andromeda said, "It's a very bad thing. That's why father doesn't want us to do anything that will cause any trouble. Why don't you read one of your new books?"_

_Narcissa opened her little purse and pulled out the fairy book that her mother had given her for her birthday. When she opened it up, there were moving drawings of fairies on every page. Some were red, yellow, blue, green, lavender, orange, and her favorite that was at the end, the white snow fairies. They looked like snowflakes at first and then they spread their glistening wings and turned into the loveliest, most elegant creatures in the world._

_She was completely engaged in the drawings as Andromeda read her the story when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Lucius. His face wasn't as red and he looked a little better._

"_I want to show you something," he said as he held out his hand to her._

_Narcissa hesitated for a second and then she shyly took it._

"_Don't go too far," Andromeda said._

_Actually he was just leading her back to the window. He helped her climb up and then got up himself. Drawing back the heavy curtains he said, "I know you've seen this a hundred times, but it's so pretty right now."_

_Narcissa looked outside the window and saw that it had started to snow, but without the heavy wind. It was landing gracefully and softly on the trees and grounds. The sun was out and its light made the snow glisten like tiny diamonds. It was bright and beautiful._

"_Oh my goodness," she breathed, "It's like a…a fairyland! Where all the snow fairies live!"_

"_The what?" Lucius asked_

"_Snow fairies, they're fairies that live in the snow and always make it white and pretty."_

"_I see," said Lucius._

_They watched the sight for a while and then Lucius asked, "What's your name?"_

"_Cissy," she answered, "Well, really it's Narcissa, but I like being called Cissy, because Narcissa sounds too grown up."_

"_Well, I'm Lucius," he said, "and I think Cissy is better than Narcissa. It doesn't mean you're afraid of things, does it?"_

"_I'm afraid of some things," Narcissa admitted, "I don't like the dark, or spiders, or bugs."_

"_Those aren't scary," Lucius said._

"_Yes, they are and I don't like them."_

_Lucius gave up arguing and then said, "I'm glad you're here. I didn't like being the only child here."_

"_What was your brother's name?" asked Narcissa._

"_The one that…that died?"_

_Narcissa nodded._

"_Draco," Lucius said in a choked voice, "Mama was trying to have him and he died and then she died too."_

"_That's so bad," Narcissa said, "I would never want to lose my mama."_

"_It's a very terrible thing," Lucius said seriously._

"_Did you get to say goodbye to her?" _

"_No," said Lucius, "Father wouldn't let me."_

_He raised his hand to wipe his eyes. Narcissa felt so terrible. No one should live without their mother. She didn't get to see hers a lot, but still she loved her mother very much. Slowly she reached out her tiny hand and placed it over Lucius' equally small one. Surprisingly enough he took it._

"_How old are you?" he asked._

"_I just turned five," Narcissa said._

"_Oh good," said Lucius, "I'm five too."_

"_Narcissa," Andromeda said, "It's time to go."_

_She hopped down from the window seat and Lucius followed her. Andromeda helped her into her coat and hat, and made sure her books were safely in her purse._

"_Goodbye," Narcissa said, "I hope you feel better."_

"_Thank you," Lucius said, "Goodbye and I would really like to see you again…Cissy."_

_She smiled at him shyly. As they walked through the gates out onto walkway, Narcissa looked up and saw Lucius in the same window where they had been looking at the snow. She saw him wave goodbye to her._

"_I wonder if I'll ever see him again," she whispered softly…_

* * *

><p><strong><span>Present day - the courtyard<span>  
><strong>

Narcissa walked through the cloisters and saw Lucius sitting in one of the open windows. So similar to how he had been sitting when they first met. Seeing him sitting there had brought back the memory of that one painful Christmas.

She was unsure of whether or not she should approach him or maybe if she should leave him alone.

"Cissy," she heard him say.

She looked up and saw him looking at her with misty eyes that were so painfully familiar. She walked over and sat across from him.

"How are you?" she asked pulling her legs up in the window ledge.

"I'm fine," he answered quickly.

He reached out and took her hand. Narcissa held on to it tightly. Just like she had done to him so many years before.

"You were thinking of the same memory," he said, "That Christmas. When I lost my mother and my brother, but ended up finding you."

"And learning about snow fairies," Narcissa said.

They both laughed. She hadn't intended it to be funny, but she was glad that Lucius found some humor in it.

"You are my snow fairy," he said softly.

"What?" she asked

Lucius smiled and gently traced her cheek with his finger, "You had said that snow fairies lived in the snow and they make it white and beautiful. That's what you did for me. You made everything in my world that day white and beautiful and you still do."

Narcissa felt tears coming to her eyes as Lucius held her hand tighter.

"It's ironic, isn't it? The first time we met, it was snowing. Our first kiss was right here in the snow. Is it a metaphor for our lives?"

"I don't know," Narcissa said, as she brushed several tears away.

Lucius lifted her face up and brushed several strands of hair out of her eyes.

"I love you ," he said in a choked voice.

For a second she felt like she couldn't breathe. For the first time she had actually heard someone utter those three foreign words. It hit her like a gust of cold wind that spread through her entire body as if to wake her up from a dream. If a man told a woman he loved her, wasn't she supposed to feel all warm and excited? Did love just work differently with her?

Lucius gently ran his fingers through her hair as he patiently waited for an answer. She took his hand and held it tightly to her chest. Wasn't this the moment she had been waiting for? The moment she had been dreaming of? Why was she so scared?

The silence was so thick that Narcissa felt like she could hear her heart beat. It was freezing cold, but she now felt she was on fire.

She couldn't say anything. It seemed impossible. Did she love Lucius? Did she know how to love or the expectations of loving someone?

Narcissa held on tighter to his hand. When she looked at him through her tears, his face seemed calm and passive. He wasn't forcing her into anything; he wasn't making her say anything. He was simply stating what he felt and if she didn't feel the same way, then he was fine with it.

There was a look in his eyes though that told her that he wanted her to say yes. To say she loved him, to be the first person she ever said those words to.

Lucius took her face in his hands and softly kissed her forehead.

"You are not as hard or as cold as people think you to be," he said, "God knows, with the life you've had live, I would think love would be rather hard to come by. I also know Narcissa, that coldness can mask a multitude of hurt and pain."

"You seem to understand that better than most people," Narcissa said.

Lucius didn't respond, but his silence said what words could not. She reached out and stroked his hair, letting her fingers run through the unruly blonde mess. She moved in closer to him and he gently pulled her toward him and softly ran his fingers up and down her back. As she laid her head on his shoulder, feeling his heartbeat against her chest, snow began to fall lightly.

Everything was going to be all right.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, December 19, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**Slytherin common room  
><strong>

_**Dear Mother,**_

_**I hope you enjoy the gift I bought you. You can open it now or wait until Christmas. Because I was shopping in Hogsmeade, it was rather hard trying to find something for you, but I think you'll like it very much. I should let you know that your name was on top of the list as well.**_

_**It's so lovely here at Hogwarts. The whole Great Hall is decorated with giant Christmas trees that Hagrid brought in. There are only ten students staying here this Christmas and so it's strange how quiet it is. **_

_**Even though, that does mean I get to help the professors in ways I couldn't before. I got to help Professor Flitwick with decorating the trees and part of the castle, and Tina and I helped Professor McGonagall send out Christmas cards. It was so much fun!**_

_**I hope you have a good Christmas.**_

_**Love from, **_

_**Narcissa Diana**_

Narcissa put her quill down and reread her letter to her mother. In truth, she was having a wonderful Christmas there. Back at home she and her sisters were never allowed to help with decoration. They always had to be quiet and out of the way because of the all manner of guests who were coming through.

The rules at Hogwarts were much more lax during the holidays. So Narcissa and her friends were allowed to roam the hallways when they wanted to, go outside when they wanted to, and do whatever they want whenever they want.

Narcissa folded up the letter, put it in an envelope and simply wrote _**Mother**_ on the front and taped it to her wrapped Christmas gift for her mother (which was a sapphire bracelet she had bought at a gift shop in Hogsmeade)

Now, she was finished with all her gifts and letters to her mother, Andromeda, and Sirius. She pulled on her cloak and gathered the gifts in her arms so she could post them. Instead of an owl like most students had Narcissa had her own silver winged hawk (Pandora), but she was far too small to carry all of those presents, so she would send her owl to her mother and use Hogwart's owls to drop off the other two.

Outside wasn't really that cold. The wind wasn't blowing and it was completely calm and serene. She walked up the slippery steps to the owlery. When she got in she called out for Pandora who came swooping down immediately.

"Hello," Narcissa said, stroking her lovely silver wings, "I need you to carry this to my mother."

She carefully tied her package to Pandora's leg and watched as her hawk carry off the present. After she had posted the other two she walked back to the castle.

Her birthday was in three of days, her seventeenth birthday. In three days she would be of age. Now she would be allowed to perform magic whenever she wanted and would no longer have the trace on her, so she could apparate whenever she wanted.

When she got back to the common room, Lucius was on the couch starring into the fire.

"Where have you been?" he asked as she took off her cloak.

"Posting my Christmas gifts to my mother, Andromeda, and Sirius," she answered, sitting down next to him.

"That's it? That's all you're sending gifts to?"

"The only ones who deserve presents in my opinion."

"I don't think I've ever sent presents back home to my father or my brothers," Lucius said, "I never get anything from them anyway, so it would be a waste of money."

"Are things that bad?" Narcissa asked.

"No," said Lucius darkly, "They're just normal."

Narcissa normally tried not to ask Lucius about his private home life. Everything had fallen apart since his mother died. His two older brothers, Zodiac and Cepheus, (who were six and seven years older than him) had been about as bad in school as Bellatrix was.

"Are you still having a hard time with your brothers?"

"Not as much" Lucius said, "I was when they were still living at home."

"I know they could be pretty terrible to you," she said.

Lucius reached over and gently touched her face.

"Don't worry about it," he said, "This has been the best Christmas holiday I have ever had."

Narcissa smiled. It was nice to know they agreed on something.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Tuesday, December 22, 1972<span>  
><strong>

**Slytherin House; 6th years girl's dormitory  
><strong>

When Narcissa woke up early she realized that she was now seventeen and of age. She had never felt happier, either. Well, maybe the exception of being with she could apparate whenever she wanted and was now able to use magic outside of Hogwarts. There was truly a sense of freedom.

"Happy Birthday, Narcissa!"

She looked out of her heavy drapes and laughed. Tina, Claudette, and Elena were standing in front of her bed in their pajamas with huge smiles on their faces. Tina was holding a chocolate cake that had _"Happy Birthday!"_ written in pale blue icing and Claudette and Tina were holding presents.

"Did you all plan this?" Narcissa said as she pulled back her drapes and let her friends sit down on her bed.

"Well, it was kind of a last minute thing," said Claudette, "but since it's your seventeenth, we thought you deserved a small party."

While Tina cut the cake, Narcissa opened up her presents. She received a book called _**"Dancing at the Speed of Light"**__ by Katarina Morlingwell_ from Claudette, a pair of green goblin stone earrings and a matching necklace from Elena, and journal that had moving butterflies on the front from Tina.

"Thank you all so much!" said Narcissa as she flipped through her new journal, her mind spinning with all she could fill into its pages.

"You're pretty fun to shop for," said Tina as she handed out the cake.

It was the best birthday party Narcissa had ever had.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Later that afternoon<span>  
><strong>

"I'm glad you had such a good party," said Lucius as they walked hand and hand through the snow filled cloisters.

"I wish you could have been there," Narcissa said, "but I did insist that we save you a piece of cake."

"Oh really?" Lucius smiled as he took her other hand and turned to face her.

"Yes, it's safe in my room."

Lucius bent down and kissed her. For once it was wonderful to be able to kiss in broad daylight. Narcissa felt rather foolish now because for so long she hated public displays of affection, but now she didn't care. She wrapped her arms around Lucius' neck and he pressed her closer into him. When they were done she stayed a little while longer in his arms.

"I do have a present for you," he said after a while.

She pulled away from him as he reached into his robes and pulled out small square shaped box. Narcissa tore off the wrapping and opened up the velvet covered box. Inside was the most delicate crystal fairy she had ever seen. Carefully she pulled it out and held it up into the light. Its wings glistened and sent out rainbow prisms all over the cloister. Never had she seen anything so beautiful.

"Is...is it a snow fairy?" she asked as she gently spun it on its string.

"Well, that was the general idea when I had it made for you," Lucius said.

"What? You had it made for me? You could have just bought one from Hogsmeade! I would have loved it all the same!"

"Yes, I could have, but somehow this is how I always imagined snow fairies. Ever since that day you first told me about them."

Narcissa felt tears coming to her eyes. She gently placed the crystal ornament back in the box and put it into the pocket of her robes.

"Thank you," she said, "it's...the most beautiful gift I have ever received."

Lucius pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead.

Narcissa curled up closer to him, feeling the warmth and strength of his body.

"I...I love you," she whispered.

"What?" asked Lucius.

He pulled her away from him and looked straight into her eyes.

"What did you say?"

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I love you, Lucius."

And it was true. For the first time Narcissa felt a freedom that she thought she would never know.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, December 26, 1972<span>  
><strong>

_**Dear Narcissa,**_

_**Thank you darling for the lovely gift and I hope you enjoyed your gifts as well. Actually, I have to admit, Andromeda helped me pick them out.**_.. _**I did miss you very much this holiday, but I am so happy you are having such a wonderful Christmas at Hogwarts with your friends. Heaven knows, you of all people deserve a good holiday.**_

_**My Dear, I know our past relationship has been tense. That is my fault. I kept so distant from you and your sisters and I am sorry. I want you to know that I love you dearly. The reason I seemed to care so much more for Bellatrix, is because she was such a handful as a child and so she took up so much of my time. That never meant I didn't want to be with you or Andromeda for that matter. It never meant that I loved her more than you two.**_

_**Your dreams and goals are very important to me. I did so enjoy watching you on the stage and now that I look back, I feel guilty for not giving you the support you needed and so deserved. I will do better if you choose to become a professional dancer or even if you still decide to pursue your career as a teacher. Both I will support, even in spite of what your father says. **_

_**Narcissa when you are happy, I am happy. When you are in pain, my heart aches for you. You might think me terrible last year when your father hit you and I did nothing. I am very sorry, but no apology will make up for the way I have allowed your father to treat you and Andromeda. I will do more to keep you safe from him.**_

_**You might be wondering why I'm writing this, well Professor McGonagall has written to me of the problems you have been having and I felt heartbroken at the fact you were able to tell your own teacher what you could not tell me. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me for my coldness and distance from you. I was up in the attic when I found this picture of you, and I hope it might bring you some comfort.**_

_**I love you dearly.**_

_**~Mother**_

Narcissa put the letter down and picked up the picture. It was of her at three years old, with flowers in her hair, wearing a white and blue dress, and she was sitting in her mother's lap, with her mother's arms wrapped around her. Both were smiling and laughing about something.

On the back was written: _My beautiful Cissy on her third birthday!_ _How much you've grown! Love Mummy!_

She wiped her tears and looked through her bedside table for some Spellotape_**. **_When she found some she carefully taped the picture of her and her mother over her bed, right next to Lucius' snow fairy that she had hung up a few days before.

She sat at the end of her bed and watched at the fairies wings sent soft rays of rainbow light over the moving picture.

_End of Part Three_

_Next:_

_All her life she had waited for something like this and now that it was happening she felt like it was too good to believe**.**_


	4. Part Four: Dance My Dreams

**Wednesday, January 14, 1973  
><strong>

**The courtyard**

"James Potter! If you ever throw a hexed snowball at me again, you'll regret it!"

"Ohhh! Is that a threat? I'm soooo scared Snivellus!"

"Stop! You guys are ruining recess!" Lily said coming between both boys.

"Us?" said Sirius, "Snivellus is the crybaby! He won't have any fun at all!"

"Getting hit with a hexed snowball isn't my idea of fun!" growled Severus.

James and Sirius laughed, while Lily looked like she was about to hex all of them. School was back in session and the second years, who were suppose to be enjoying a sunny recess outside, were instead in another heated battle between James Potter and Severus Snape…over a three second snowball fight.

"Alright, stop," said Lucius Malfoy coming out of the cloisters where he and Narcissa had overheard the argument.

James and Severus immediately backed off, while Snape looked relieved. Lily, on the other hand, ran back to Alice and her friends.

"What is going on?" asked Narcissa.

"He's been throwing hexed snowballs at me!"

"Well, he's oversensitive about everything!"

"I can't enjoy anything here without him ruining it!"

"Wow, dramatic much?"

"Stop! My God!" said Lucius finally.

Tensions between Severus and James were almost at an all time high. Both boys couldn't walk down the same hallway without throwing out some sort of curse, hex, or jinx, on one another. Narcissa really couldn't figure out why, but she was beginning to get suspicious that it might have something to do with a particular red-headed second year girl.

Lily still spent most of her time with Severus, whether in the library or lunch or walks around the lake. It was getting obvious that Severus must have cared for her, in spite of what his friends (even Lucius) were telling him. Severus didn't seem to have many friends outside of the few he had in his own house and Lily seemed to be the only person he wanted to spend any genuine time with.

James Potter was still on the throne popularity. The boy was good, more like excelled at everything. Whether it was school or Quidditch or making friends…or trouble. His one joy in life was making Severus' miserable. Although, Narcissa noticed that he normally did it when Lily was present. And she was less than thrilled about it most of the time.

"I want all of you back inside, now," said Lucius, "Recess is over."

All the kids groaned and turned back to go inside the castle.

"Potter," Lucius said, "Stay away from Severus."

James just rolled his eyes and ran off with his friends. Lily stayed behind for a few minutes and waited for Severus who was talking to Lucius.

"I don't see why you like spending so much time with her," Lucius said quietly.

"She's not like other people," said Severus, "I don't care if she's a muggleborn. She's the best person I know."

"You won't be saying that in a few years, believe me."

"Lucius," Narcissa said, "That's enough."

"Go ahead and go," Lucius said.

Severus met up with Lily, who handed him his book bag, and they both went inside.

"You shouldn't be saying that to him," Narcissa said after a second, "She really is the only friend he has."

"He has friends in Slytherin," said Lucius, "It was alright when he was small, but he's a second year and soon…things are going to change. And the sooner he realizes that the better."

"Better for what?" said Narcissa, "For the pureblood community? He's a half-blood and he has nothing, Lucius! His father has never given a damn about him, his mother belongs in an asylum, and this one girl has been the only bright spot in his life."

"Alright," said Lucius, "but eventually he's going to have to decide where his place is."

"It's where he chooses to be," Narcissa said.

Lucius dropped the subject as they walked down the crowded halls to their class.

While they were on their way down to Defense Against the Dark Arts they saw several young girls spinning and dancing with one another. All them laughing and having fun.

Narcissa leaned up against the wall. While she watched, she noticed that they weren't just playing around, they were actually dancing and they were quite good as well.

"Looks like you're not the only dancer here," said Lucius.

"I guess I'm not," said Narcissa.

"You know," Lucius said as they passed the girls, "You should probably start a dance class."

"Me? You mean like here? In the school?"

"Why not? said Lucius as they entered the class room, "You're talented and you're good with kids. I honestly think McGonagall might be on to something."

That coming from Lucius was a rare thing.

**The Great Hall - supper  
><strong>

While everybody was eating, Narcissa was still thinking about what Lucius had brought up earlier that afternoon.

_Could she be a dance teacher?_

_Did she have the patience and endurance for it?_

_Would she be able to handle teaching dance?_

_And anyways, who was to say she would even be allowed to hold her own classes in the school? And also would girls even want her to teach them?_

"Hey," said Claudette, "Are you all right? You seem a million miles away."

Narcissa snapped out of it.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said as she started to eat.

She saw Professor McGonagall eating with the other teachers. Maybe…maybe she would let her. After all, she had always showed a genuine interest in her dance and she was the one that encouraged her to teach dance.

Narcissa made up her mind. She was going to talk to her.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Friday, January 15, 1973<span>**

**Professor McGonagall's office**

"Miss Black," began Professor McGonagall, "I think….that is a wonderful idea."

Narcissa almost fell backwards in her chair.

"You do?" she said.

"Yes," said McGonagall, "As a matter of fact, I have had several young girls come in and ask me if there was any chance that we could start a dance class here at the school. I said I would think about it, but the problem was finding a decent teacher. You seem to have come in at the right place, at the right time."

"Thank you," Narcissa said, "I would love to teach, but we would have to find a decent room, and practice hours, and also what kind of dance do they want a learn. I'm mainly ballet, but it's a fundamental form of all dances.

"Well," said McGonagall, "I'll talk to Professor Dumbledore and we'll see about finding you a suitable room."

When Narcissa left McGonagall's office, she practically ran through the halls and down the stairwells to the common room where Lucius was waiting.

All her life she had waited for something like this and now that it was happening she felt like it was too good to believe_**.**_

**The Slytherin Common Room  
><strong>

"You mean she said yes?" said Lucius after Narcissa breathlessly told him what happened.

"Yes," she said, sitting down next to him and laying her head on his shoulder.

"I can't believe that I'm going to be able to teach! I'm so nervous though."

"You'll do fine," Lucius said wrapping his arm around her and holding her close, "Kids like you and you're talented and much more patient than I could ever be."

Narcissa hoped he was right. For the next several days she collaborated with Professor McGonagall on a suitable schedule. Extracurricular activities such as choir, the gobstones club, art, etc. were held different times during the week and they had to find a time that didn't interfere with the other activities.

Then they had to find a room. That had been easy enough. Filch had opened up an old classroom that hadn't been used in years. It was wide and spacious, but there was dust and dirt everywhere, and they had to install at least one wall to wall mirror.

"A few cleaning charms should do," Filch grumbled, "and I'll see if I can dig up a mirror somewhere."

"Thank you," Narcissa said as she walked around the room.

There was a window that looked out over the lake. The sun was beginning to go down and she could see students coming in for supper. Narcissa pulled out her wind and cleaned the window with a simple cleaning charm. Immediately the dirt and grime disappeared and left the window spotless.

"Well, that's one thing cleaned."

* * *

><p><strong><span>Saturday, January 27, 1973<span>**

**The cloisters**

Narcissa was helping some younger children with their potions homework when she saw Lily Evens and several other girls run up to her.

"Is it true?" said Lily breathlessly, "You're possibly going to start a dance class here?"

"Well, yes," Narcissa said, "How did you know? It wasn't going to be announced until day after tomorrow.

"Oh Severus told me," Lily said, "I guess he didn't know it was suppose to be a secret."

"No, no, that's fine," laughed Narcissa, "Yes; I am starting a dance class for anyone who wants to join."

The girls began to squeal and jump up and down. Narcissa pulled out her notebook and asked them to sign their names. By the end of the day she had twenty-seven girls from first to fifth year signed up.

"Good God," Narcissa said later that evening as she was going through the list of girls, "I didn't think I would have so many girls from different years sign up."

"Is that a bad thing?" said Lucius.

"Not really, but I going to have divide up ages for the classes. Maybe first and second years for one hour and then third, fourth, and fifth for another hour. I just don't know."

Lucius put his arm around as they walked back to the common room.

"I think you'll find a way," he said.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Thursday, February 1, 1973<span>  
><strong>

**The Great Hall**

_**Dance Class  
><strong>_

_**Is scheduled to begin on Friday, February 16.**_

_**As of right now there are forty-two girls signed up from first to fifth year.**_

_**1**__**st**__** and 2**__**nd**__** years are from 6:00-7:30**_

_**3**__**rd**__**, 4**__**th**__**, and 5**__**th**__** years from 8:00-9:30**_

_**If you have dance shoes, please bring them. They're not an absolute necessity for the time being.**_

_**I'm teaching ballet, but it is a fundamental part of all dance forms.**_

_**Don't worry if you have never danced before. This is for fun! And I'll look forward to teaching you.**_

_**-Narcissa Black**_

Ever since Narcissa first told Lily that she was starting a dance class, the news had spread like wildfire. Almost every girl had tracked her down begging to come. Narcissa was completely overwhelmed. She had never expected it to become so popular.

It had taken a while for her to figure out a decent time to teach all five years and Friday evening was normally always free from other activities.

"Ooo! I can't wait!" said Alice Grayson as she wrote down the dance times from Narcissa's poster.

"I know," Lily said, "Just about every girl in our year has signed up and all the first year girls as well. I have no idea how Narcissa is going to be able to handle everyone."

"I think it looks boring," said Sirius as he sat down at the Gryffindor table.

"Uhhmm, I don't remember asking your opinion," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

"You're probably just saying that because you can't dance," Lily said.

"Well, I can…" Sirius began, "Sort of…I just…won't. Never mind," he said as he got up from the table.

**The new dance room  
><strong>

"I can't believe it," said Narcissa, "I have my own dance studio."

She had spent almost every spare moment she had cleaning and organizing the old classroom that had been provided for her. Finally it was done. No one would have ever have guessed that it was once a dingy dirty room. Now it was spotless, with wall to wall mirrors all around.

"Yeah," said Lucius as he looked around, "I guess this means no more of you and me hiding out in the Room of Requirement."

"That's not true," Narcissa smiled, "but to think that this is all real. That I no longer have to imagine it. It's an incredible feeling."

Lucius come up behind her and put his arms around, holding her close to him.

"It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?"

Narcissa didn't say anything, but she looked up and kissed him.

That was enough.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Friday, February 16, 1973<span>**

**The dance room  
><strong>

"I have never had so much fun in my entire life!" said Claudette as she and Narcissa sat down after their first class.

Narcissa knew full well that she wouldn't be able to handle two classes full of girls on her own, so Claudette, who was also a dancer, said she would help and she had needed it.

The girls had all arrived on time and had been eager to begin. The first class she had twenty students. Some knew how to dance and some didn't. Narcissa taught them beginning basics of ballet and the proper exercises.

She had been surprised when she saw Lily Evens dance. She was very graceful, almost like a flower blowing through a breeze. Alice Grayson was also very good, she was petite and fast, and both girls caught on very quickly.

There had been so much laughter and fun, that Narcissa couldn't believe that an hour and a half had already gone by. Reluctantly she had to tell them that class was over and they needed to head directly to their common rooms. On the way out she heard the girls saying they couldn't wait until next week.

Then she and Claudette had a half hour break to relax and talk.

"I think it went well," Claudette said, "They all seemed to be having fun."

"I was surprised at how I wasn't that nervous when I taught," Narcissa said as she took a sip of water.

"You're a good teacher and I've noticed that the younger girls really do like you. I think it's the older girls we need to be worried about."

"Why?"

"Well, because most that have signed up are already dancers. And while I was talking to some of them, I found out that they had been going to quite a few top dance academies. Even the muggle girls. The first and second years did it because it was something fun to do, but this next class we may need to be more professional."

"Yeah, you're right," Narcissa said, "It's nothing I'm not used to. I went to the most prestigious primary dance school since I was five years old."

"Oh yes, _Madame Poinsettia's Academy of Youthful Dance_ and you supposedly left top of your class as well," Claudette said.

"Yes, I did, but believe me, it wasn't easy."

Narcissa had remembered the Parisian dance academy very well. Her mother had enrolled her there when she was only four, even though students had to be five. Clearly mother had made some kind of 'arrangement' with the academy's board.

Every morning her mother would wake her up and get her dressed. Then they would apparate to take them to the grounds of the academy. Mother would drop her off with one of the teachers and give her a kiss goodbye.

Narcissa would eat breakfast with the other girls and then they would spend the morning in school. After school would be nothing but dance. Exercising, training, auditioning, costume fittings and more. By the time her mother picked her up at 5:30, she would be worn out.

At first she had cried when her mother left, but after a few months she had accepted it. The academy wasn't a bad place, but it was strict and for a painfully shy four year old, that was a hard thing to deal with.

Over the years, Narcissa began to love the school and she would have rather have stayed there all the time then dread going back home. She got along fairly well with the people there. She worked very hard and almost always got the lead roles in the academy's productions. Her teachers told her she had great potential. She had won a scholarship to the academy's all-girl secondary school,_ Babochka-Matryoshka Conservatory of Arts and Graces, _that was in Moscow, Russia, but her father said he wanted her in Hogwarts to become a decent witch.

Narcissa had balked almost the entire way. She didn't want to go to Hogwarts and become a witch; she wanted to be a dancer. She wanted to see Russia and the rest of the world. Finally Andromeda had managed to get her to come around, but there were times that Narcissa would rather have been on a stage in Russia than a schoolroom in England.

She didn't have much time to dwell on it, because the girls were beginning to arrive for the next class. This one had twenty-four students and Narcissa knew most of them.

"How long have you been dancing?" asked Loretta Barring, a fifth year from Ravenclaw.

"Since I was three," Narcissa said, as she tied her dance shoes.

"Is it true that you got into _Madame Poinsettia's_ when you were only four?" asked Cathy Collins, a third year Gryffindor.

"Yes," Narcissa said, "I think I was a little too young, though."

There was a ripple of whispering that went around the room.

"What is that place?" asked Mandy Portico, a fourth year in Hufflepuff who was a muggleborn.

"It's only like the best dance school in the whole wizarding world!" said Cathy, "You have to enroll at five and then audition every year to stay there."

"Some of the best dancers went to that school," Loretta said.

"Then if you're good enough, they might send you to their sister secondary school in Russia, _Babochka Matryoshka Conservatory of Arts and Graces_," said Cathy, "My mother took me to see a performance of _"The Seer's Sun" _and it was amazing."

"Didn't you get a scholarship to go there?" Claudette asked Narcissa.

"Uhmm, well, yeah, I did," Narcissa said.

All of the girls looked at her with surprised expressions.

"How come you didn't?" asked Cathy, her face completely stunned.

"My father wanted me to go to Hogwarts."

"What a shame," Loretta said, "I think you would have done really well there."

"Thank you," Narcissa said.

Claudette hadn't been kidding. These girls were good, actually they were excellent.

Narcissa had never seen such rhythm and movement. Each girl had her own particular way of doing things and for Narcissa she thought that was the best way to teach. Eventually they all managed to dance together in perfect timing and precision.

Finally 9:30 rolled around.

The girls all packed their bags and said goodnight. Narcissa and Claudette closed up the dance room and walked back to the common room for a well deserved goodnight sleep.

The next Friday and all the Fridays after that all the girls in the dance class could talk about was the class itself. Narcissa had made quite a name for herself around the school. She was praised constantly by 'her students' and the teachers said she was making remarkable progress not only with the girls she was teaching but herself as well.

And it was true. Narcissa was happier than she had been in a long time. She actually felt like her life was meant for something. That her talent wasn't going to waste and she was doing what she wanted to do; not what she was being told to do.

The relationship between her and her mother had improved greatly in the coming months. They wrote to each other constantly and the anger and coldness Narcissa once had for her had all but disappeared.

Mother would always ask about her school, her day to day life, and of course dance. She had even been helping her with future plans to find a proper university for dance and training. Narcissa never in a million years could have believed that she would end up having such a close relationship with her mother.

And how so thankful she was.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Thursday, April 3, 1973<span>**

**The Great Hall - study hall  
><strong>

"Potter! If you talk back to me like that one more time, I will hex all the Gryffindor out of you! You'll be a straight up Hufflepuff!"

Narcissa had to hide behind her exercise book to keep Lucius from seeing her expression, but no one else in the Great Hall, who had just witnessed his latest run in with James Potter, bothered to do so.

"Get back to studying!" Lucius snapped and immediately heads were back down into their books.

"I'm warning you, Potter," he said turning back to James, "I've had it with you and your lazy, selfish, self-centered, attitude toward everything and everyone that isn't in your sphere of living."

James just stared at him dead on, as if he wasn't listening at all. He probably wasn't.

"Now get back to your homework," Lucius hissed.

James sauntered off back to his table, with a grin on his face.

"I hate that child," Lucius said as he sat down next to Narcissa, "The only reason I'm able to put up with him is the wonderful consolation that I'm graduating this year."

"Does that mean you don't want children?"asked Narcissa.

Lucius groaned, "I've never been one for kids. I never really had a childhood; I had an upbringing. I can hardly deal with children as a prefect much less my own."

"Yeah, but with your own you can do whatever you want to them," said Breton, causing several of the other boys to laugh.

"Stop," said Narcissa, "That's an awful thing to say."

"Why are you so sensitive about everything?" Crabbe said.

"Get back to studying now," Lucius growled.

Narcissa continued her homework, but Lucius' words about not having a childhood, but rather an upbringing kept running through her mind.

He never really talked about home life with his father or his brothers, Cepheus and Zodiac. And his mother's death at his young age was still a painful memory. Narcissa had only met his older brothers several times when she was younger.

She remembered when she was seven and her family had gone to Malfoy Manor for a summer visit…

* * *

><p><em><strong><span>Saturday, July 12, 1962<span>  
><strong>_

**_Malfoy Manor_**

_Narcissa couldn't find her way through the big dark house. She was actually looking for Andromeda who said she would meet her at the library, but where was the library?_

_The little six year old trembled as she walked down the hallway with all its large moving portraits of long dead Malfoy ancestors who stared down at her with austere looks. _

"_Anee," she called quietly, "Anee…w-where are…you?"_

_Tears began to trail down her face. She was lost in this big scary house and she was only a little girl. She wanted Anee so much to come and find her. Whenever Narcissa got scared, it was Andromeda she wanted. She didn't tease her like Bella did or tell her to stop like Mommy. Father would sometimes hit her when she started crying. That was when Anee got really mad. She would pick Narcissa up and take her to the nursery. Andromeda would rock Narcissa on her lap and read her a story._

"_It's alright, Cissy," she would say softly, "Don't cry. I won't let anyone hurt you."_

_Then Narcissa would wrap her arms around her neck and Anee would let her cry until she fell asleep. _

_Suddenly she heard a noise that made her jump. It was coming from a room across from her; the door was opened and she wondered if that was the library. She wiped her eyes and quietly walked into the dark room._

"_Anee," she said softly, "Anee are you in here?"_

_She then heard footsteps coming toward her. _

"_Anee?" she said._

"_No, came a cold voice from behind. _

_Narcissa almost jumped and turned around. Right in front of her was a very tall boy with white blonde hair. In the dark room she couldn't make out who it was, but she knew it was one of Lucius' older brothers._

"_Uhmm…do…do you know where my sister, Andromeda, is? I was supposed to find her in the library."_

"_You're Narcissa, right?" said the boy._

"_Yes…I…am," she said, "Who are you and can you find my sister for me?"_

"_I'm Zodiac," he said as he flicked his wand and the lights in the room came on, "and you shouldn't be in here. You could get into trouble."_

"_Oh I'm sorry," Narcissa said as she looked around the large room, "I got lost. This is such a big house and I don't know where all the rooms are-"_

"_Your sister is playing a trick on you," Zodiac interrupted, "She's not in the library. She left with your other sister and your parents."_

_Dread, cold, hard, painful dread filled Narcissa's body. No! They couldn't leave! Not without her! Anee would come and find her. Anee wouldn't leave her! Why would they leave? They had just gotten there last night and they were staying for a week._

"_No," she said in a choked voice, "They wouldn't leave me. I know Anee wouldn't leave me."_

"_Well, I saw them leave," Zodiac said,. As a matter of fact, they seemed like they wanted to leave you here._

"_No!" said Narcissa through her tears, "Anee would never leave me!"_

"_It was her idea to leave you here" Zodiac argued, "She actually said that she was glad that they were leaving you behind, because she got tired of always having a crybaby around. She never wanted you to find her in the library. It was just a trick to get you out of the way, so the rest of the family could go."_

_Was it true? Did Anee really think that? Would she really leave her?_

_Narcissa stood there in the room and broke down in tears. She was alone. Alone in a big dark house with strangers. She began to tremble and shake all over. Zodiac scared her and she wanted to get away from him._

_Lucius! She needed to find Lucius. He wasn't really her friend, but he was nice to her. He had even given her some candy that morning at breakfast. Maybe Lucius would help her._

_Narcissa turned and ran out of the room, but she ended up running into someone. She looked up and saw an even taller boy staring down at her. This had to be the oldest brother Cepheus. _

"_What's wrong with you?" he sneered down at her._

_Narcissa now trembled with fear. He was a lot bigger than her and much scarier looking. She had seen him hit Lucius in the face last night. When Lucius started to cry, both of his brothers began to make fun of him and their father just stood there and smiled. Like he enjoyed seeing his youngest son get hurt._

"_I'm…" she started, "I'm trying to find…Lucius."_

_Cepheus smiled, "What do you want with him?" he said as he closed the door behind him._

"_I…I just want to see him. My family left me here…and…and I don't know anyone else here."_

"_Your family left you here?" Cepheus said._

"_Yes," Narcissa said as she wiped her face with her hands, "They left me and Anee…Anee left me."_

"_Oh, that's right they did," said Cepheus._

_He reached out touched her face with his cold hands. Narcissa pulled away from him. She didn't want him to touch her._

"_What's wrong?" said Cepheus "Are you scared of me?"_

_Narcissa couldn't say anything. She was scared of him and wanted to get away. Suddenly she felt Zodiac come up behind her and take her arms._

"_Don't!" she said, "Let me go. Please let me go!"_

_Cepheus and Zodiac just smiled at one another. Cepheus then knelt onto the floor and slowly slid his hand underneath Narcissa's skirt._

"_Stop!" she pleaded, "Stop, don't hurt me."_

_They didn't listen. She felt Cepheus' fingers on her, touching and hurting her._

_Even in her innocent young mind, Narcissa knew that this was wrong. Of the few things Mommy had ever told her, one of them was never let anyone touch you. _

_What could she do though? _

_These boys were much bigger and much stronger than her._

_Then she heard a knock on the door._

"_Cissy!" came Anee's voice, "Sweetheart, are you in there?"_

_Cepheus immediately withdrew his hand from underneath her skirt and got up. Zodiac let go of her arms and looked apprehensively at his brother._

"_Anee?" said Narcissa._

_The door opened and in walked Andromeda followed by Lucius. _

"_There you are," Andromeda said, "Lucius said he saw you come in here. I've been looking for you everywhere."_

_Narcissa ran into her sister's arms. Andromeda held her close._

"_What's wrong? Why are you crying?"_

"_I…I thought you left me," Narcissa said through her tears, "They said you wanted to leave me here. That you were tired of always having me around."_

"_That's not true!" Andromeda said, "Don't listen to them. They're just stupid boys; just like Bella is stupid. I would never leave you."_

_She hugged her close and whispered, "I love you more than anyone else in the world."_

_Narcissa held on tighter to her. Relief spread through her. It had been a lie. Those two terrible boys had lied to her and tried to hurt her, but Anee had saved her…and Lucius had too._

_Andromeda was more concerned about comforting her sister that asking what the two boys had been doing, but Lucius, even at his young age, knew full well what they had done._

"_Don't leave me," Narcissa said, as she and Anee walked out of the room, "Don't ever leave me again."_

"_I'm not planning to," said Andromeda as she ran her fingers through her hair._

_Narcissa turned around and saw Lucius standing in the doorway between his brothers and her and her sister. She wondered if he was going to go with them, but he simply left and walked down another hallway alone._

* * *

><p><strong><span>Present Day<span>  
><strong>

**The Slytherin Common Room**

Narcissa had tried to focus on her homework, but her memory from so long ago kept on haunting her. She had been so small when she was molested by Cepheus that afternoon. She cared more about finding her sister than dealing with Lucius' older brothers.

Narcissa hadn't really realized how much she missed Andromeda.

_I love you more than anyone else in the world._

How she had treasured those words for so long, but how had she had forgotten them? So Lucius wasn't the first person to say them, although he was probably the first male in her life to utter them publicly to her. She had heard the words _I love you_ as a child, but had taken them for granted.

Why was she forgetting Andromeda? She couldn't forget her. The sister who loved her when she felt no one else did. Even then, her mother had loved her as well, although she rarely said so when she had been small. Now she said it in every letter.

Narcissa couldn't explain how all of these memories were coming back to her. Had she been damaged so badly by her father that he had drained any sense of happiness out of her? Was Lucius' and his slow love reminding her of the precious childlike and sisterly love she had with her sister?

She pulled out of piece of parchment and started writing.

_**Dear Anee,**_

_**I really haven't written to you in a long time and I just wondered what you were up to. I really miss you and a lot has happened to me and I would like to tell you about it.**_

_**Love from Cissy.**_

It was short, but it had what she wanted to say. Narcissa put it in an envelope and went down to the owlery to mail it.

After she watched Pandora fly off, she walked back to the common room and saw Lucius studying at a table. She remembered that she never got to thank him properly that day for finding her. He probably didn't remember, if he was like her and tried to push back every dark memory he ever had. How desperately she wanted him to know now.

She went over to where he was working and sat down across from him. He looked up and smiled at her.

"Where have you been?" he asked.

"I was mailing a letter to my sister, Andromeda. I haven't heard from her in a long time."

"Well, tell me what she's been up to when she writes back. I kind of miss her too, crazy muggle lover as she was."

Narcissa had to smile. Lucius was right about that.

"Actually," she started, "There was something I wanted to tell you. It probably doesn't mean anything, but I thought I should tell you."

"Uhmm...ok," said Lucius apprehensively as he set down his quill.

"I don't know if you remember that one summer where my family came up to visit yours...and I got lost, and you and Anee found me."

Lucius looked like he was trying to remember. It was probably an irrelevant memory to him, but still Narcissa hoped he would remember."

"Yes," he said after a second, "Yes I remember."

Then his face went dark and he looked her straight in her eyes, "We found you in there with my brothers."

Suddenly Narcissa realized that _he had known_. All that time he had known what they had done to her.

"Well...I never got to thank you for helping my sister find me. I don't know what they would have done...if you...if you both-"

Tears began to fall down her face. Lucius took her hand and with his other he wiped away her tears. People were beginning to fill in the common room and Narcissa didn't want to be seen like this.

"Come with me," Lucius said as he helped her up. He gently wrapped his arm around her waist and guided her to the boys dormitories. After he shut the door, he pulled Narcissa close to him.

"I had no idea that you had known all his time," Narcissa said.

"Even as young as I was, I knew what they would do when they brought little girls into that room," Lucius said as he gently stroked her hair, "When I saw them take you in though...I just couldn't bare the thought of what they might do."

"Well, thank you," she said, "Thank you for finding me."

"Your welcome," said Lucius.

For a while, Narcissa stayed in his arms while he gently rocked her. Then she said, "Have they ever hurt you?"

"Not like that," Lucius said, "They normally just beat the hell out of me if they felt like it. They left the really awful stuff up to my father."

Narcissa pulled away from him and looked up into his face. Never would she have imagined Lucius Malfoy of all people to make such a confession. So all his life he had been hurting too. His mother's death and miscarriage with his younger brother had left a deep and burdening scar on his heart. His brother's torments wounding him to despair, and a father who enjoyed his pain and humiliation.

He could relate to her more than anyone else could. How in the hell was he able to survive all that? The answer was probably there, at Hogwarts, where he was free to be whoever he wanted and where there were actually people that cared enough about him and his growth. His general coldness toward muggleborns obviously came from social beliefs and his upbringing, but he wasn't as bad as Bellatrix at least.

"Do me a favor and don't tell anyone about any of this," said Lucius.

Narcissa nodded. She couldn't imagine telling anyone. Lucius opened the door and let her out.

"Aren't you coming down?" she asked, "It's almost suppertime."

"No, I'm not hungry. You go ahead."

Narcissa looked up at him with concern, but walked down the stairs leaving him alone. Lucius closed the door and leaned his head against it. His breathing became heavy and he felt hot tears coming to his eyes. He tried to swallow them back, but it was becoming impossible.

He remembered seeing his brothers take little Narcissa into that dark room. He had remembered the dread and fear that raced through his mind. As a little boy he didn't know exactly what it was that his brothers did to the girls they took back there, but he remembered hearing them cry while his brothers laughed. He remembered seeing the little girls curled up and sobbing when his brothers had finished with them. He had wanted to help, but was always to scared to. Then when he saw them take Narcissa he knew he had to do something. Thankfully he had found Andromeda and they had gotten there before any permanent damage had been done.

Narcissa might have been saved, but Lucius knew full well that he wasn't. Later that day, his brothers had given him a beating he never forgot

Lucius sat down on the floor next his bed. Tears began to trail down his face. It had been a long time since he cried. His brothers had enjoyed seeing him cry; they liked to see him as weak and pathetic. His father enjoyed it too. No matter what Lucius did to please his father, it was never enough. Father never missed an opportunity to humiliate and demean him in public.

It was what was done in private though that was the worse.

Lucius tried to wipe away his tears, but there was too much pain to keep in. His painful memories of his father's private torture had broken through his mind like a dam. He had remembered the long nights he lay awake in bed, hoping his father wouldn't come. And when he did...

_"This is too much! This is too much pain!"_

He missed his mother so much. In many ways he had still been a baby when she died. He didn't remember a lot, but he remembered her rocking him on her lap and stroking his hair. He remembered walking with her in the garden. He could remember her sweet voice and her soft laughter. Lucius got up and pulled out a picture from his bedside table.

It was the only picture he had of her. She was so beautiful. Her crystal blue eyes and long golden hair that fell to her shoulders. She was smiling up at him and he couldn't help but smile back through his tears.

It was just a memory though. She was gone and she wouldn't come back. All the sweetness, goodness, and love that he once had as a child had died with her. At five years old his soul had died and his heart had broken. Constant beatings from his brothers and never ending abuse from his father had replaced his mother's presence.

Yet, he had found her again. In Narcissa. The most unlikely person had managed to penetrate his cold exterior and heal his broken heart. Lucius found one of her most recent school photos and held it up next to his mother's picture. There were a lot of similarities between the two of them. Both of them beautiful, both kind and generous, and both he was unworthy to call his own.

He remembered how badly he had treated Narcissa back in her fifth year. He wondered if her apprehension to kiss him was possibly triggering the memory of what his brothers had done to her when she was a child. He had never thought about that. Good God, he was turning into his father! He could never let that happen. Never.

He looked in the mirror and his reflection held a lot of his father's features. Everyone said that out of all three sons, Lucius looked the most like his father. That was bad enough. The only feature that didn't belong to his father were the tears that were falling down his face. Lucius reached up and wiped his eyes.

Once he calmed down, he was able to think clearly. In what had privately transpired in the last few minutes had led him to realize that there had to be some perspective in his life. Whatever his life was meant for. There had to be meaning.

One, he would never become like his father. If he ever had children, he would never terrorize them or demean them. He would never make them feel like they were unworthy or unloved.

Two, he would fight for the ones he loved the most, even if meant dying for them. Just like his mother had died for his baby brother. That was the one way he would never become his father.

In some small part of him, the idea of having children was a wonderful thing. To have his own little boy or girl, to be able to raise them the way he so desperately wanted to be raised. He didn't want them to have an upbringing like he had, he truly wanted them to have a childhood.

And to be married...to Narcissa...hopefully. She would be the best mother, she loved children. And as his wife, she understood him better than most people. She could identify with his pain and anxiety. He hoped he would be a good husband, to love and protect her from anyone who dare harm her, even her own father.

He looked down at the pictures of his mother and Narcissa.

One was a memory. The other was hope.

_End of Part Four_

_Next:_

_She would miss him; with all her heart, but she knew he wasn't completely gone from her life._


End file.
